Online Magazine For Black Men

Some Women Are Way Too Aggressive



The woman who knows what she wants, and goes after it.

Question from Hodges:


I've had women ask me out on a date, or approach me to pursue a relationship. To me, that's confusing. The whole thing makes me feel weird since guys are supposed to approach women. Maybe I'm just old school, but I think it's a turn-off when women approach men.

What do you guys think?

-- Hodges

The Brothas Response:


We think we should change our names to "Hodges!!"

Seriously though, there is a bit of intrigue when you get attention from a woman, right? Men are hunters by nature and the recognition we receive from women can appear misplaced. We are conditioned to believe that pursuing a partner is the man's responsibility. When the tables are turned, we often experience a level of discomfort. But ask yourself this: why does it make you feel uncomfortable?

For many men, an aggressive woman--or, a woman who knows what she wants--doesn't appear to be in her feminine zone when she assumes the assertive role. The "chaser" character is typically played by men, and most men aren't accustomed to be pursued. (Unless you've had one of those crazy, stalker chicks following you around. But that's another story!)

Another reason for your uneasiness may be related to the control factor. Men like being in control. We believe in choosing a woman, pursuing her, getting her, and claiming victory. When it happens in reverse, the role-switching makes us feel vulnerable to someone else's control. In some weird, psycho-social way, this makes us feel embarrassed. Plus, it can lead us to believe that a woman's aggressiveness will play a dominant, or negative role in a relationship.

Since you mentioned old school, lets talk about it: There is still something downright sexy about a shy chica who laughs at our jokes, lets us make the first move, and rarely turns down a date. You break through her outer shell--with your manly charm, no doubt--and she soon becomes the most important venture in your life. You learn to cherish her, support her and eventually, love her. That's men. And that's how we like it.

While an aggressive woman may be untraditional, it's not always a bad thing. Look at it this way: a woman approaches you because she is enamored by your manliness and wants to snatch you up before another woman does.

You just have to decide how comfortable you are being the snatchee and not the snatcher.

Signed,

The Brothas

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