Online Magazine For Black Men

Am I A Stalker?



Is what I'm doing considered stalking?

Question from Chris:


The woman I was dating broke up with me about one month ago. We were together for almost two years, and she claims that she's no longer happy. At first, I called her every couple of hours, but she never answered the phone. I drove by her workplace once and went to her apartment a few times.

Today, she sends me a text message saying that she doesn't want to be with me anymore, and that I need to stop harrassing her, or she will call the police.

My question: Is what I'm doing considered stalking? I don't see how contacting someone can be considered a crime.

-- Chris


The Brothas Response:


Chris, Chris, Chris--it seems pretty obvious that your ex doesn't want to see you or talk to you right now. Rejection is tough, but she has been clear about her feelings, and you need to respect that. By "respect" we mean: stop calling her, don't text her, don't drive by her apartment, and don't find a convenient way to show up at her job.

On a psychological level, you're showing her (and possibly everyone around you) that you're vulnerable. Men sometimes think the begging, pleading, jealous, "I'll do anything to make it up to you." attitude is endearing to women. However, it often has the reverse effect, and it doesn't paint a pretty picture of you.

Also keep in mind that excessive phone calling is considered harrassment and is illegal in most places. Stalking laws vary from state to state, but in most states, you commit the offense of stalking when you follow, place under surveillance, or contact another person at or about a place or places without the consent of the other person for the purpose of harassing and intimidating them. You really don't want this to turn into a civil or criminal matter, so be strong my brotha, and let it go.

There's an old adage about love lost and it bares repeating here: If it's meant to be, she will come back. If she doesn't come back, then she wasn't the right girl for you.

If you need more help and would like to speak with a professional, contact the American Psychological Association at (800) 374-2721 or (202) 336-5500, Mental Health America at (800) 969-6642, or the National Association of Social Workers, Inc. at (202) 408-8600, and ask them for licensed referrals in your area.

Signed,

The Brothas

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