When the script is flipped

So many times, we are bamboozled by the stories of no good black men who leave their baby mama's. These black men all share common characteristics... from not paying child support, to getting locked up for some dim-witted reason. Impressed by the character of a fellow co-worker who continually displayed patience and gentleness towards the kids we teach at a local charter school in Little Rock, I decided to jump on an opportunity to show the world that there are still diamonds in the rough.

In life - you have what we call ordinary versus un-ordinary, and good black men are not un-ordinary. The reason they appear un-ordinary is because we aren’t exposed to them on a daily basis. I was pleased to interview Kevin Bryant, a former fraternity brother with a strong solid Christian faith who was raised by a daddy who was a pastor.

As we talked, he began to share with me his past experience with his first wife. His first wife had two children by two different men. I asked him whether he shrugged away from the relationship knowing that this woman, 21 years old, had two children. He replied, "I felt like I couldn't judge because I was in same situation."

He truly believed that as a couple, the two of them could have made it together and he enjoyed her company. Kevin also had two children in which he did not have custody. One of his kids lived in Florida and the other in Gurdon, Arkansas. He took on the role of father with his former wife's kids. One of the babies was a week old and he raised her until she was 4-years old. Red flags began to come to my mind as he told me this part of the story. I questioned how safe it was for a man to get in a relationship with a woman who had a week old baby, but I continued to listen to the story.

Things appeared to get worse in the couple's relationship with each other after they had a baby together. You would think that this would bring them closer and that this woman would be happy to have a good man be a daddy to her children. Instead -- the situation got worse because she began disappearing and going to clubs.

At the time of their marriage, Kevin began to have a relationship with God. He knew that the two were unequally yoked, yet he continued in the relationship. Signs with reasons for Mr. Bryant not to marry her began to surface, yet he ignored them -- even dismissing a warning from his minister friend not to marry her.

Many times he tried to reason with her, only to be left carrying the load of the relationship alone and practically raising the kids by himself. The mother would often take the kids to their great-grandmother's while she was clubbing and Kevin was working two jobs to keep the bills paid since his wife went long periods of time without working.

Seriously questioning the fidelity of his wife, I asked whether or not the young lady was faithful. He revealed that she cheated on him with a co-worker they all worked with at a phone company. He found a text message on her phone from her manager with the words... "Love you baby, see you later on".

The sad thing about the story is, the guy was a married minister. It hurt him to know that while he was helping his father build his church, his wife was on the phone with another man. An even greater hurt was the knowledge that the man she cheated on him with was a man he had to see at work everyday. Your greatest enemies are sometimes those close to you.

When Kevin confronted her about the situation -- she lied. The line was finally drawn when he had to get an extra phone in his name for her to use, because her phone was shut off. He checked phone records and discovered that she was making phone calls to her manager. He decided to divorce her even though towards the end she wanted to get back together. To this day, she avoids him and is behind on child support.

After four years, he found himself a single father again for the next year and a half. I wanted to know what it was like to be a single father, since I’m used to hearing this story the other way around. He shared that raising kids on his own was a struggle and a financial strain. He had to learn to do his daughter's hair, potty train, cook, clean and wash dishes. One woman’s trash is another woman’s treasure.

Although his parents helped him out from time to time, nothing could take the place of a good woman.

After going through that tough season, he met his present wife at his father's church. She was a single mother too. The good thing about her was that she had a relationship with God and she supported him with his daughter. He contently replied, "She is my daughter's mother".

Many people did not think that he could pull it off as a single father. He believes that because of what he went through, he's been able to relate to other single parents.

"Your life is actually a ministry preparing you to deal with a wide a variety of issues," he stated. "Divorce is one of the most painful things you can experience. It is worse than losing a spouse."

He went through many times of doubt -- often questioning the divorce and analyzing what may have prevented it. He finally came to peace with himself when he discovered that a cheater is a cheater no matter how good you are.

By talking to Kevin, I also discovered that beneath the layers of his former wife's mischievous activity laid a woman with many issues which stemmed from her family. Can a person be healed from divorce? If so, how long does it take?

A person being healed from divorce though the time of healing is undetermined. Kevin admitted that he and his wife still had residue left from their previous marriages.

They are pressing to make their marriage work and in the midst, he found that he's developed a close relationship with his 6-year old girl that surpassed every transition they've faced.

After writing this article I felt like singing the chord line from the Martin show "you go boy."