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Forum Start > Culture & Lifestyle > The Men's Room > DO YOU FEEL WHAT I DID WAS WRONG?
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james1967
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Registered: 5/7/2007    Warnings: 0
DO YOU FEEL WHAT I DID WAS WRONG?
I am a black father raising his three sons (ages 14, 16 & 18). Upon them turning age 13, their mother & I agreed that we would extend them a little more freedom & responsibility & resort to the new age parenting methods of time outs, taking away things & grounding. But a recent situation made me re-think the new age parenting methods. Last October, our three sons went to a rap concert without our permission & I allowed their mother to handle the punishment. (LOL)She fussed at them for about an hour and gave them time out as well as taking the Nintendo Wii, PS3 & IPOD away from them as well as grounding. Now--that lasted for about two or three days! ! ! A few weeks later, they all came in late on a school night & she handled them the same way--letting each off punishment in a couple of days. Of course--incident behind incident--she handled the same way with each one of our son(s) individually but that came to a abrupt end a couple of months ago. Being that we are from Louisiana, our oldest son (who had just turned 18) decided to hop a ride with his boys & go to a rap concert in Texas--taking his younger brothers with him! Now, when they arrived home (a day later), I was waiting for them! When they got in, I immediately ordered my two youngest boys to sit on the sofa while I took their oldest brother into his room, took my belt off & gave him a whipping. You see, if our son(s) do something wrong a first time, their mom will reprimand, warn & even punish them but if they repeat the same wrongdoing, that is where I step in!!! Though a whipping has & always will be the last resort--this was a particular time that I needed make a point for my younger sons to never forget. THOUGH THEIR OLDEST BROTHER JUST TURNED 18 YEARS OLD--HE IS STILL NOT THE “MAN” OF THIS HOUSE NOR CAN HE MAKE DECISIONS AS SUCH. And I know it got across to them but NOT my oldest!!! His actions almost cost me my place in society!!! You see, he is a senior about to graduate from high school & when he arrived to his school the following Monday, he told his coach & the principal what had happened & they contacted the local police & CPS immediately. While at my construction site, the police arrived & arrested me on child abuse charges but when they learned of his age--they immediately coerced him into upgrading the charge to simple battery (DOMESTIC VIOLENCE)!!! Of course I was held & until making bond & when I arrived to my court date, I pled guilty & was given 6 months jail time suspended/6 months probation & a $1,000 fine. NOW--when I arrived home, I immediately went out back & uprooted me a very long, strong & green “switch” (you all know what a switch is I’m sure). Man--when my oldest son got in from school that particular afternoon, I allowed him to finish his homework & I then told his younger brothers to come in & sat down ONCE AGAIN because I wanted to teach them yet another very important lesson never to forget. I then ordered their oldest brother to his room--making him strip to his boxers & I took that switch & went straight up old school on him!!! I TORE HIM UP! I guess because he got a little size (muscle) on him that he thought he could tough-out that whipping but when I started heating him up with that switch--he began to cry. Allowing him time to cry, I exited his room only to return later and explain why I did what I did. TRUST ME WHEN I SAY--to this date I have had no problems out of our oldest son whatsoever (INCLUDING HIS SCHOOL). All I receive from him now is “yes sir, no sir” when talked to & his obedience level is that of superb!!! (LOL)That particular whipping also woke up & rubbed off on his little brothers as well. But, in all essence, since Louisiana is a corporal punishment state--the Judge understood my position as a concerned father trying to raise respectable & obedient sons but like he stated “the law is the law & I must adhere to it”. Therefore--neither of my son(s) were removed from our home nor did I lose my job as a result. Let me ask this: What ever happened to old fashion discipline? Lord knows I didn't get whippings, I caught whoopins. I got my behind tore up for anything I done wrong & it just didn't come from my parents. . . If anyone else saw me doing wrong, they would tear me up & bring me home & more than likely, I would get wore out once there as well!!! I guess that is why I felt so hurt being locked up in that jail (first time in my life) for doing something that I thought was right. All I did was give my 18 year old son a well-deserved, down south, old fashion whipping (one that not only left a lasting impression on him but on his younger brothers as well who stated after seeing how I handled their oldest brother with that SWITCH to NEVER get out of line &/or get into any more trouble--EVER AGAIN). Now, had my oldest son (or either one of my boys) got into any trouble at that rap concert or anywhere for that matter, society would have been more than pleased to incarcerate them within minutes--hoping that they never return to public society & giving them a brutal beat down just for kicks. . . But when a strong black father like myself used disciplinary measures (other than new age parenting) to keep my teenage son in line, I got locked up!!!!!! So--I ask my brothas & black fathers out there in my community do you feel that it was right how I was handled (by police)? Was this justice (Court)? How would have handled that same situation? Better yet--do you feel what I did was wrong & last but definitely not least--do you believe in old fashioned discipline?

NOW--I would like to say--to each his own & your method of discipline may differ but in any essence just make very sure that it work because believe me when I say--old fashioned discipline will NEVER be out of style & when administered properly--is still very much effective!!!

Awaiting your response, I remain

James Thomas

5/7/2007 03:57 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
ecjr23
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I salute you my brotha! This is the problem with our children today, they are not disciplined the way we were, back in the 70s and early 80s. Let my 19yr old son do something like that; he better move to a different country before I get my hands on him, lol!
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ECJR23

If I could have convinced more slaves that they were slaves, I could have freed thousands more. - Harriet Tubman
5/26/2007 10:40 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
vance87
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You should be receiving a medal. Your incarceration was an injustice that violated YOUR rights as a man and a parent. It also made a mockery of proactive parenting. This society we live in today is sick.
5/30/2007 08:43 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
thedrknghtno1
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How society treats hard working parents who have never had a history of abuse to children is stupid. there have been parents with long histories with abuse and neglect but they still can be foster parents. and you dont hear about their problems til a child is dead or missing.

you did the right thing...its society that still looks through the rose colored glasses...WAKE UP!!
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till all are one...
5/30/2007 09:49 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
Sarina22
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Well, I'm not a brotha, but I wanted to applaud your efforts. The main reason why so many parents refuse to deliver those old-fashioned "Southern Whoopin's" (as James so eloquently put it LOL), is because of situations like this.

The laws seem to be stacked against parents who wish to discipline their kids this way. The good thing is, James and his wife have been smart enough to use it as a last resort. Just wish the authorities knew the difference.

But I think your 18 yr old is lucky. If I had gone to school and told my coach and principal -- I would be dead!
5/31/2007 15:15 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
vance87
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Amen...Amen....Amen!!!
5/31/2007 17:23 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
MelvinG
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I think your son is very blessed to have a father who cares enough about him to discipline him. I am 46 and every time my dad took a belt to me I deserved it. Now if I had contacted the authorities on him, I probably wouldn't be typing this response.

Your son and the authorities were wrong for having you arrested and like you said if your sons had got in trouble at the concert the police would have beat the hell out of all of them with billy clubs.

The police didn't care about your sons well being they just want to hold another black man down.
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MelvinG
6/9/2007 08:36 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
BigMaroonTiger
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Registered: 8/18/2007      Warnings: 0
good for you, brotherman!
8/18/2007 15:46 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
Nubian42
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Registered: 11/16/2007      Warnings: 0
I am impressed! Nothing wrong with your actions. Given your situation, I would have done the same thing!
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11/16/2007 11:18 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
Forum Start > Culture & Lifestyle > The Men's Room > DO YOU FEEL WHAT I DID WAS WRONG?

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