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Forum Start > Culture & Lifestyle > The Ladies Room > Turning Cold
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Posts: 4
Registered: 6/6/2008    Warnings: 0
Turning Cold
This is my first time posting anything anywhere, but I'm at a loss right now and could really use some objective advice. I'm 24, attractive, single, no children, educated, and have a good job with growth potential. Everything has been falling into place for me, except my love life. I'm a realist at heart and I'm not in denial about any personality quirks that I may have. I can say with confidence that I'm very compassionate, open minded, kind, sweet, and not a snob. I'm not the crazy fly off the handle type that'll bust car windows, make scenes, and get loud in public either. I'm level headed, very easy going, and basically normal. So here's my problem...

I am constantly getting involved with the wrong man. I dont go for thugs or anything. I tend to date men that at first glance seem to have themselves together (mannerable, classy, clean cut, etc.) Now everybody has on their company manners at the beginning and then true colors start to emerge. I'll see a few red flags at first and then it gets to the point where its just intolerable. I'm not ultra nit picky either, I tend to let the little stuff roll off my back - I'm talking about major issues. I'll start liking the guy and then it'll be a wrap because he's either emotionally unstable or straight crazy. I'm a firm believer that life is too short and precious to put up with BS if you dont have to. I'm just as understanding as the next person, but cannot be seriously involved with someone that has problems far exceeding my own. However, everytime I let my guard down and open my heart (even for a short time), I always seem to take a hit.

I dont want my heart to turn cold and become jaded when it comes to black men and relationships, but I'm beginning to feel that way. Can someone please give me a little insight? Maybe some sugesstions as to what things I should be paying more attention to in the beginning (I think I'm missing the mark)?

Thanks in advance
Striving to be a better person with every passing day
6/6/2008 13:47 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
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Posts: 47
Location: Ohio
Registered: 3/1/2007      Warnings: 0
Hmmmmmm....first off is to say you are not alone in this way. Many women have experienced the same set of circumstances as yourself. Second, its on both sides of the fence. I have met women who have been at first nice and then a few dates later, the demon comes out. The thing is that you have to be true optimist about men.

When single, men will come to show you your best and that everythings perfect, but reality men are not. The ego is the biggest culprit of that. No man will have everything a woman needs and vice versa. Both need to see how as a couple you would grow together and that does take time.

Find men who can be friends first. Get to know them as a person as they should know you as a person. Usually, people in relationships realize that the man(orwoman) was their best friend first and the trust was strong. Watch their ups and downs to see how they react. You will see the reality then.

The real secret to finding a good realtionship is to not expect one. The best relationships i have had have been just someone who suprised me. Didint expect it, but came to grow together and enjoyed the time to do it.

In the end, when the relationship ends you are only left with the memories not the things they had or bought. So be patient and enjoy meeting good men and get to know them. Don't say that im in a relationship, I'm growing to enjoy my future.
till all are one...
6/10/2008 17:36 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
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Posts: 4
Registered: 2/6/2010      Warnings: 0
Its ok to be cold. It keeps you from feeling bad inside, but it takes a lot of dissipline and focus. IMO it is ok to just be. People may critize you and say things to try to control you, when you are cold u have total control.
Sistas we need you, we need your encouragement and support!
2/6/2010 02:31 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
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Posts: 205
Location: Texas
Registered: 1/16/2006      Warnings: 0
Even though she posted that a while back i think a lot of women go through that. I agree with coolyfett in a sense. Getting jaded happens to everybody and it sometims hardens your heart. You have to be cold towards some men to let them know you are not interested. Being cold is really just a weed out process.

As long as you dont lose sight of the kinda brotha you want and concentrate on that type of man, you will be okay.
2/9/2010 20:25 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
Forum Start > Culture & Lifestyle > The Ladies Room > Turning Cold

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