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Forum Start > Relationships > Sex And Intimacy > Brothas, please help a sista out!!!
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Nie36
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Registered: 3/20/2010    Warnings: 0
Brothas, please help a sista out!!!
I don't know if I'm breaking any rules by being a woman and posting in the message board here but I need some brothas to give me some honest feedback. I've been married for 13 years and the only sex partner I have ever had has been my husband. I am struggling with our sex life because....it doesn't exist. Not because I don't want it but because my husband told me that I've gained too much weight for sex and he doesn't want it anymore. He gives me no reason to believe that he's cheating, and otherwise our relationship is great!! Except we go months at a time without having sex. My issue with this is that, I admit, I have gained weight since we got married...but it's less weight than my husband has gained. I am still approached by men who don't know I'm married also, so it's not an "ugly girl" situation. My husband says that he told me early in our marriage that he didn't want me to gain too much weight and now that I've reached a level that he feels is unacceptable, he's withholding sex. We've had discussions about it in the past but I don't even bring it up anymore because I think it's ridiculous!! I get that men are "visual" but I feel I'm being treated unfairly. I have purposely not lost the weight because I feel like if sex is the carrot that he is dangling in my face to get me to lose weight, then he should've withheld something that he was good at. I do miss sex with him but not because he's such a skilled lover, but because I miss the connection that sex brings in marriage. Apparently, he doesn't. He feels that if I truly loved him then I would give him something that he wants to look at. I feel that if he truly loved me....then he would love me!!
So....tell me, am I wrong for being upset? Should I lose the weight and take whatever benefits come with it in my marriage or not? Be real with me brothas!!!
3/20/2010 17:53 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
bccaloma
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Registered: 4/2/2010      Warnings: 0
Okay..yes you need to lose the weight. It will boost your confidence in yourself and make you more desirable to yourself. It is about making you feel good at first. He will notice the change in you. Also I recommend you read the ebook called: How to have Sex with a Black Man. It is about the thought behind a black man in bed and what he really thinks about you when you are together. It also gives you tips, ideas and things to say to cut sexual tension into and open up the door to the bedroom again. You can get a copy of the ebook on http://www.howtoattractablackman.com/

I know once you read it you will not only want to kiss yourself in the mirror he will want to as well.

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Bcc. Aloma
4/2/2010 00:06 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
Giftedbrother
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Posts: 6
Location: Texas
Registered: 2/2/2010      Warnings: 0
Nie 36.....

Hold on a minute. I am a bigger man! I am 6'0 300 pounds I am very attractive and you can't tell that I weigh that much by just looking at me. I made that point because when I married my wife I was this size and she fell in love with me and Iam not going to be trying to kill myself losing weight to please anyone. I am built really nicely I am musclar all over (Except I have a gut, that I am kinda fond of LOL). My wife is a full figured woman and I love watching her walk around wearing next to nothing. I love her the way she is! No offense, your husband has some nerve. He needs to love and respect you for who you are. If not then chunk the dueuce and move on! Don't allow him to make you feel less than what you are. You are a beautiful Queen, it doesnt matter what size you are.
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A real man cares, a real man, forgives, a real loves unconditionally. Trey
4/5/2010 12:07 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
Alvena
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Registered: 8/31/2010      Warnings: 0
"Screeching the brakes and coming to a fast hault!" *Taking a deep breath and sighing*

What happened to meeting each other's needs in a relationship and especially in a marriage where two have supposedly become one!?? Why are we so quick to become offended when our mate asks for us to change something about ourselves....that we probably can admit needs changing?

"Loose the damn weight Nie 36. Loose the damn weight!!! LOL Girrrrrrl You betta turn this into an opportunity to turn your husband out!!!! Get him to work out with you! Tell him that you love him and that you want to be sexually pleasing to him. Tell him that you want to be his one and only fantasy!! Then start working out tomorrow!!! Helll...work out in the nude so that he can see those few extra pounds melting away and become more aroused with each fitness milestone that you achieve. He'll start chasing you around the house and may even drop a couple of pounds himself in the process...thereby enabling you to avoid talking to him about his extra tummy that was slowing things down!! LOL!

Please don't get into a back and forth about which of you has gained the most weight. Sit down and tell your husband that you want to restore the intimacy in your marriage and then be willing to do what it takes to do so! Don't go the direction of thinking and talking about what other men think of you. They are not important, Your husband is and he should be the only man whose opinion you are seeking!

If you are willing to take a less offended position on this and decide to set the health and fitness example that you both need..... you'll be having sex olympics with poppi in a few months that will keep both of you in shape! Think of the give and take that you will be able to bring to the relationship then......I'm thinking kama sutra!!! Happy crunching to ya both!
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Alvena

Phenomenal Woman...
11/6/2010 18:47 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
Forum Start > Relationships > Sex And Intimacy > Brothas, please help a sista out!!!

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