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hmurchison
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Dating Black Women
Has it gotten easier or harder? I think our fine black women have done very well over the last few decades. They are definitely pillars of our culture and communities. I've had my fair share of issues though in the dating world although that's to be expected...nothing work having comes easy.

I'm happy to report I'm dating a very fine black woman. I'm not sure that I agree with the notion that black relationships are struggling that much. I tend to think that relationships that work well simply fly under the radar and that troubled relationships generate undue attention.

There is a power struggle between black women and men but the same struggle is going on with men and women of ALL cultures and ethnicities. As women take a more prominent role in our society we have to shift our thinking about the whole man/woman paradigm. Like the Earths crust when these shifts occur there are earthquakes but that's what it takes to affect change.

My girlfriend is better educated than I am and is highly organized and effective. I can learn a lot from her and she in turn can learn a lot from me as I've life experiences that can prove beneficial. I think the thing to do in relationships is to focus on the strengths of each couple and embrace then and also focus on the weaknesses and address those as well. You don't always have to be right. You don't always have to be in charge.

Some simple Golden Rule participation will work wonders for us all.
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2/8/2006 09:30 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
willie6
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I agree with a lot you said, but I think dating has gotten harder. Much harder!

I think the reasons have to do with women becoming more independent (There is an article about this on the site), and also insecurities experienced by black men. Society keeps telling us that we're a statistic; that we're dogs and basically, worthless human beings. I agree... I think those good brothas and good relationships, fly under the radar.

It's like being in a job where you do good work, and bad work. You never seem to get recognized for your good work, but do something bad?? - they're all over you.
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2/18/2006 12:46 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
hmurchison
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Women are indeed more independent. My gf is far more educated than I. She doesn't hesitate to let me know this either<smile> but she knows I'm a smart cookie and this won't always be the case.

As for black men...let us face it. We're are portrayed as "the next prison imate at the local correctional facility". Hip Hop music has portrayed images of successful black men as being thugs or anti-establishment. This coupled with an unacceptable amount of black fathers choosing to have no contact with their offspring is making for a horrible dating landscape.

Perhaps if we as a society focused on positive things. Even our "reality" shows offer nothing but manipulation and backstabbing as their main course. I think women have some burdens they could shed as well. In today's landscape women are expected to achieve. I think women are doing that well but I have my doubts about just how well they are handling their newfound power. I still see women making poor choices in partners based on rather crude old world ideology.

Just last night my gf has a "discussion" about women and their choices. My premise is that in "most" relationships it is the man persuing and vying for the woman's attention and love. Thus she simply has to be smart about her selections. Thus if a woman says "all men are dogs" what she's really saying is "all men that I date are dogs" and that's something she needs to be addressing herself. Only she can allow this to happen.

I thank God Almighty for bringing my woman into my life. She's the right woman at the right time for me. I'm truly blessed.

Writing my Dating Epitaph has been pure bliss.
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2/21/2006 09:59 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
willie6
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Quote:
As for black men...let us face it. We're are portrayed as "the next prison imate at the local correctional facility". Hip Hop music has portrayed images of successful black men as being thugs or anti-establishment. This coupled with an unacceptable amount of black fathers choosing to have no contact with their offspring is making for a horrible dating landscape


True. True. And it makes the good brothas look bad. I have a three year old by a woman I am no longer with.(can't really stand her) But I wouldnt not take care of my little girl. That's just not right. Whatever issues me my ex got, I do'nt let my daughter see it.


Quote:
Perhaps if we as a society focused on positive things. Even our "reality" shows offer nothing but manipulation and backstabbing as their main course.


Were in trouble then, cause America seems to be obsessed with anything that sells. And that's usually negative stuff. Think about it: bad food sells better than good food; people watch more hip-hop videos than documentaries on health, etc.


Quote:
I still see women making poor choices in partners based on rather crude old world ideology.


Man, who you tellin'. I see some really smart sistas making dumb choices in men. When you ask them why, they say out of loneliness, or because they caught them at the right time, or someting. Then when he leaves, they are brokenhearted... knowing they should've never been there in the first place. Why waste your time?
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Willie C. In The NYC
2/21/2006 19:57 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
Jack
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Speaking of being in trouble, I attended a men's ministry at a church a few weeks ago in Atlanta. The pastor was getting on the men cases tell them how lazy they are about approaching the sista's. It seemed as though he had to almost walk them through the steps as to what to do in greetings, in fellowships. He then said he was very disappointed in a lot of them, because he knows his church of full of too many together single Christian women, but the fella's aren't making the move, their making excuses, whining about not being ready. I have to agree with him when he said that any man over the age of 30 yrs that is content being single is not really trying to be a Christian, but he's lying. Because we all know, we have our needs. And if we're not trying to find a wife, then we are either gay, or fornicating, or doin' ourselves. I have to say if the men there don't want those sista's, it's party time for those of us that are seeking.
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3/13/2006 06:34 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
hmurchison
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Jack I agree with that. My gf states that if men are getting what they want without the committment then they'll be less likely to approach a woman with the intention of a long term relationship.

Also men are sitting around and thinking the woman should approach them. I don't know where that came from. Women don't normally approach men and damn if I'm letting my eventual daughter grow up with the mindset that she should be approaching a man.

It's time to stamp out the weakness that has crept into black men.
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3/13/2006 09:03 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
ecjr23
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The sad thing is listening to the crap that comes out of these young brothers mouths. And what is even more sadder, the young sisters fall for it. We need to be better role models for our younger generation. I

I remember one time my little sister was seeing this young guy in high school. She brought him by to meet the family; I told her to watch out for him. He was a little too polite and eveything. But I guess he feels that he was the only one to ever play the game. But anyway, this guy dumped my sister so that he can hook up with a cheerleader. My sister wasn't angery or anything, she moved on with her life. When she tol me this I told her that he will eventually try and get back together with her. About three months later the cheerleader dumped him and went back to her football player boyfriend.This guy begins to call my sister, asking to get back togather. My sister never gave in. One day he writes her a letter, calling her all kinds of B and H. She came home made one day and I asked her what was wrong, so she showed me the letter. After I read it I told her not to worry and to tell him that sooner or later he has to see me somewhere. Well, one day we were shopping and seen him. This guy ran over people trying to get away. Last I heard he is now in prison for attempted rape.

Sometimes I can understand why some black women make it hard on us black men. They need to be respected and held on a pedestal.
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If I could have convinced more slaves that they were slaves, I could have freed thousands more. - Harriet Tubman
4/26/2006 20:30 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
Sarina22
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Quote:
Sometimes I can understand why some black women make it hard on us black men. They need to be respected and held on a pedestal.


I think a lot of women have learned to fend for themselves when it comes to life. But when choosing men, a lot of young sistas make bad decisions -- and it's not always because they're dumb girls.

It's usually because they're giving in to peer pressure, or just plain selfish.
4/27/2006 06:29 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
DaBigMotor
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Dating our women is a challenge. Some of them can be soooo difficult. There's nothing like the feeling sometimes that EVERYTHING that you say/do is wrong. They are such masters in finding fault in so many things, and exaggerating negatives.

Our women can build us up so wonderfully...but NO ONE can tear us down like they can, either.
5/29/2006 18:33 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
willie6
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Quote:
Our women can build us up so wonderfully...but NO ONE can tear us down like they can, either.


How do the saying go: You hurt the ones you love the most?? I think black women really do love their black men but also dont know how to treat them sometimes.
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Willie C. In The NYC
6/1/2006 10:08 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
ecjr23
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Todays black woman makes it hard for a positive brother to approach them and get to know them. They give the impression that they don't need a man for anything for them. I am not saying that they are helpless, but if a man truly wants to be a positive in that woman's life, he gets hit with nothing but brick walls. Why do women complain so much about not being able to find a good black man if they are going to be like that???
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If I could have convinced more slaves that they were slaves, I could have freed thousands more. - Harriet Tubman
6/8/2006 12:36 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
esme
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I am so sick and tired of hearing how hard it is for the black man. First of all black men need to stop trying to use black women as a excuse to why they do not find us approachable. The intellectual blk woman will not put up with the non sense some of these blk men throw at us. Example: 4 kids by 4 different women, a quick lay, excuses for not being able to hold down a job, calling us Hs and Bs and the list goes on. There are so many blk women with it ,that we are opting to date the other side. Brothas, you are not going to find us at clubs walking the street ot at the WIC office. we are usually at a book store, church, community functions, assisting in youth services or other pure hearted activities. I am the type of women who keeps her hair done, dress nice, basically overall attractive. I am not high maintainence because I am able to keep myself up but don't think that well put together women are no good. I am sick of white guys opening the door for me, I want a brotha to open a door for me. Start being strong not so scary
6/10/2006 20:15 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
hmurchison
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Esme

Welcome to the boards. Thanks for the comment...we need to hear this. We black men as a whole have moved in the wrong direction or at the least it appears many have. The only way to correct this is to realize that it isn't honorable to disrespect your women. No one looks at that as a positive.

I only wish that black women such as yourself continue to have high standards. Nothing worse than seeing a bright and intellectual woman get saddled with a thug.

We definitely need image control. We're simply not controlling how the world at large perceives the relationship between black men and women.
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6/12/2006 20:27 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
VickanS
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Quote:
The intellectual blk woman will not put up with the non sense some of these blk men throw at us.


I hate to disagree, but I see WAY too many intelligent sistas giving the wrong men too much of their time and their bodies. That whole attitude: "He's just my 'Friend With Benefits', but Im waiting for me true Mr. Right" ... is not the mark of a intelligent sista (In my opinion)


Quote:
4 kids by 4 different women, a quick lay, excuses for not being able to hold down a job, calling us Hs and Bs and the list goes on.


Yes...and these are the types of brothas who don't need your attention.


Quote:
There are so many blk women with it ,that we are opting to date the other side.


Hmmm. Most of the folks I know who date outside of their race do so for all types of personality, ethnic, self-reflective reasons. But I dont hardly see black men or women going to another race because they get tired of dating their own race. They are usually already intune with that other race from the get go.


Quote:
Brothas, you are not going to find us at clubs walking the street ot at the WIC office. we are usually at a book store, church, community functions, assisting in youth services or other pure hearted activities.


True. I'll agree with that.
6/14/2006 11:30 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
hmurchison
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VickanS

I totally agree with you regarding the "other" side thing. The black women I see dating white men are usually just comfortable with doing so for whatever reason. I don't think the lack of good black men is the reason at all. If you know what you like and that's a little chocolate then dammit you're going to make sure you get what you want.

I knew I wanted a black woman so I made sure the women I was asking out where black. Our women have to stay strong. I've dated a few different races and have the black women to be the most at peace with themselves in areas I find important.

Quite honestly when I see a lot of black women dating white men they seem to go all out trying to look more anglo with long hair weaves and starving themselves like white women do. Keep them... I'm not looking for this type of woman.

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6/14/2006 15:50 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
ecjr23
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I totally agree with you hmurchison.
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ECJR23

If I could have convinced more slaves that they were slaves, I could have freed thousands more. - Harriet Tubman
6/17/2006 14:37 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
Forum Start > Culture & Lifestyle > The Men's Room > Dating Black Women
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