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esme
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I just giving you the mentality of a lot of good hearted black females. WE do not want to date a white man or hispanic man, we want BLACK men. What you seem to forget is that women have a time clock. Normally a woman would not be able to have children at a certain age therefore when the magic number 30 comes along, panic starts to set in. We just want to be able to be treated like a woman of class. White men and Hispanic men view their women at a high standard no matter how plain she may be. It is a sense of pride that they have about their women that we as black folk don't acknowledge. School me on some ways I can be approachable to my brothas. As I said before I am sick of getting attention from the other races.

Oh,one more thing,
Why are Black men so fixated on light skinned women. Yes I am dark skinned but I am attractive. What's up? There was a guy that I was interested in dated but just would not ask me out. I later learned that he was interested in me but I was not light enough and he didn't know how his friends would take me. What in the H___ is that?
6/18/2006 19:44 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
esme
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Oh my G__. I have got to proof read, I'm sorry for the 3rd grade level response. I will try to be more careful with my posts.

p.s.

In my defense, I am country. HA!
6/18/2006 19:52 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
hmurchison
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Quote:
Oh,one more thing,
Why are Black men so fixated on light skinned women. Yes I am dark skinned but I am attractive. What's up? There was a guy that I was interested in dated but just would not ask me out. I later learned that he was interested in me but I was not light enough and he didn't know how his friends would take me. What in the H___ is that?


Esme your post was all good. Mainly most people are decent spellers or grammerians and just poor typists

I'd saddened that black men as a whole haven't found the success that I know we should. My girlfriend has dated white men before as she was adopted by a white family and grew up in a sea of white faces. She has of course not forgotten her darker men<smile> I'm certainly not light skinned by any stretch. We discuss this topic and even as we had a Father's Day brunch with the parents I noticed a few black woman/white man relationships. She tells me that black women tend to be more educated and are looking for their intellectual equal. I don't agree with notion. Formal education doesn't mean you are intelligent we must not lose sight of the goal which is to better ourselves without assimilating bad characteristics.

I didn't even trip because to me they seemed like healthy relationships. The black women weren't trying to be anything but themselves. God willing we men can live up to the high expectations of our women but if a white man can honor you and your culture I'm not going to hate. People need to love and be loved above all else.

As for the brotha that wanted a bit too much cream. That's pretty sorry but honestly if he was worried about what his friends would think that's not the strong black man you need by your side. I love me some darker women but I haven't always gottent to date darker women to a point. It seems that we have a bit of self loathing within our ranks that succumbs to the notion that the closer your complexion is to white the better you are. Thus I'm afraid some black women haven't given me an opportunity because they're worried about having blacker kids. The h__l with that!

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6/19/2006 12:34 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
rodrice
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ITs hard dating black women but well worth it. Black women are for the most part more educated and for that reason getting better jobs. Most black men have that head nigg@ in charge attitude and are afraid of dating a strong black woman. I do think the bad black men make it even harder for the good ones. Most black women have been in bad relationships and take that relationship with them forever. So its hard, but its not totally there fault. If we try to understand each other more, be willing to meet at some point it can be much easier. I am sinlge but am more than willing to date a sista that makes it a challenge than one that just wants to give it to me. The chase is still important to me.
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6/24/2006 23:15 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
rodrice
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in response to esme.

I think the black community has conformed too much to the way white people think and live. With that said we have created our own caste system, creating the belief that light skin is better. I have dated light skin sistas but as I grow older I just gotta have my chocolate. Dark skin sistas are just beautiful to me, its a shame that other brothas cant see that. But some of us good black men still got our eye out for a educated, classy, dark skin sista.
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6/24/2006 23:25 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
ecjr23
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I have no preferance of black woman. If I find her attractive, I will try to get to know her. And if things are going well between us, then I leave it up to the BIG MAN upstairs hands.
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If I could have convinced more slaves that they were slaves, I could have freed thousands more. - Harriet Tubman
6/28/2006 10:24 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
tempsoner
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How I saw it
WARNING as a film student common sense has left the building..nah just buggin out but check;

10 years.

Thats how long it took to get my degree-I started at twenty, I had to move back home to the"jex" aka the bricks better known as the Projects with my moms-face it ladies some of you, yes even the fine educated sisters would've mistook my situation as "busted" why? Because at one point the intelliegent educated woman as a college student didnt care about the quality of men, grad school was two years away, she just aced a killer final and all she wants to do is have a good time well club prices in NYC are $25 @ the door and $8 for drinks. Heck even if the door is say $15 drinks still are $8 my Stats book was $135. I thought ladies like men with priorities? And no I didnt tell em I gotta buy that book this week so you gotta go out with me. I just asked like a man "You want to go out?"

My major was film which meant I never had money, but I set aside "date loot" and I gave em tons of time (two weeks or a week) and time is HUGE for a student but not for the guy they eventually dated: Mr Disposable Income.

Mr Disposable (usually a D-high school grad or GED reciepeint low to no skill entry level service job )wins out and not for nothing college Girls are as imrpessionable as they come.

I saw a thread about not finding the GBW in clubs-well come to NYC they are in clubs by the thousands, in this town a young girl under 25 doesnt need a job just a gulible dude or his flipside the Shark add sample sales and clubs allowing the "first thousand ladies in for free" what more a shorty need for a night out? And Mr. Disposable (both the Shark and Gulible)lives in the Clubs.

Now the Gulible cat throws money at you cause he's scared-the Shark is putting a down payment.

Either way I watched as I lost out to both of these guys, I didnt whine or plead to the ladies in convo if asked I kept it real-I told em my goal, get degree -work as an assistant editor and use that to become a director

Yea well again ladies lets be real; its 85 degree-no rain you are a college student in NYC (or any big city), you are not from here and you are going back home when college is all over- Mr Dispoable Nice Car and All offers you A Fabulous Weekend, I offer a modest date. Which one are you going to date? And of course Mr Disposable doesnt show his "jerk" side until after the Sex-oh yea he is aiming to get laid or she gets plaid. Even if that means he has to lie and say he wants to be or actually says he'll be your man-he'll even wait untill you graduate, help you move out and all that stuff-and yea he'll fly way out of state just to hit it-remember he has no other life than his job-money-women.

A lot of women up on these boards would 've put my driver license having but no car owning behind waaaaay back on the burner and would've took their chances with Mr Disposable -its just human nature.

And it doesnt make black women bitches and hoes but it does answer tons of questions.

College now over-I work for NYU school of law-I dont mention the film thing to ladies-it didnt work in college right (although I do work in film and on film shoots) I have run back into some of those ladies and yea that got that look "come on ask me out-I dumped him" I just cant do it, when you put women on that pedestal and they drop the ball again and again its like going to the job that lowballed you not once but twice there is no way I am working for them. I wonder when those ladies (if they do) complain about the lack do they think about me? And yea it changes your perspective about women.


Truth is I am not a hard guy to please, my taste from high shcool til now was all over I dated all kinds of black women, short hair, no hair, kids no kids, thick, skinny, athlete, bookworm etc but once in college I had to add some stipulations, if Shorty was in school that was a plus but as long as she was A) Working and B) please no kids (do women ever look at that from the Male POV) and she kept herself right (I dont mean six packs and the video girl look) I went in with her, but as I mentioned once school started(my best time to go after the ladies is the summer and its also the best time to shoot films!) to dominate (any film students let em know the deal with filmmaking-makes a 20 pg thesis seem EASY) shorty started drifiting and you name it I tried it-NOTE I paid for all of my dates in college-brunch, lunch, the bumped into her what are you doing go-lets grab a bite on me thing -yet sooner or later they just wansnt as interested I know too they also were busy with shcool ,personal and financial issues

But Mr Disposable was always around and he got massive play.

In the end I think this argument needs clairification: to Black Women over 35 they are aguing a entirely different point which is more valid than the yougin's(under thirty five) who are saying something different (I know a shorty in Seth Low Projects engaged with no ring she's 27, she two kids ,he has one) and the values of these two different groups of women needs distinction.

-the young Black Women wearing the wrong clothes at work(office/corporate job)-how can she complain about GBM she cant even go to work dressed right?

-some of the young black "baby motha's" need not even think about getting in this debate:she had a losers kid(s) the 96 welfare reform act made her get a job but that DOES NOT make her independent so what she dresses similar to the indy girl, a bootleg Louis Vuitton (thats with an "i" so check your merchandise ladies you may have been "got" bag doesnt mean she's in Clair Huxtibles tax bracket nor does her silly ringtone cell phone either. It might come as a surprise but in my hood there are some young black women that are intent on being a "baby motha's", they never finished high school, idolized unemployed men but some how they are part of the "smart black women-cant find a good brother coalition" how did this happen? I demand a recount.

Some of yall grew up in the 80's so though you may not run with hip hop now you still have its sensibilites. You sang that song "Aint Nothing Going on but the Rent" loud, watched Dynasty addictively and oh yea what you didnt read Jackie Collins type romance novels?

And oh how could I forget Soap Operas (one of my Professors directs One Life to Live) and yes a few of yall only watched A Color Purple for its depiction of Black men but now yall are using big words and quotes from bell hooks (whom some of you havent read since college ended) heck some yall got ALL of Tupacs songs on your iPod. And for all of the idealsim given to you from movies like School Daze and shows like A Different World these days even a college degree is suspect, read "Declining by Degrees" and "When Hope and Fear Collide" college is the new high school and we all know how phony people were in high school and not for nothing a college degree does not make you intelligent.

And for some of the things women want you 've got to check your location, in New York in the hood across from the projects Houses cost $250,000, (sir how do you like your coffee with one or two bullets?) this explains why NY'ers go to your town and act like Romans.


I didnt set out at twenty to be in school for a decade-yet if I would have got out in say in 4-5 yrs I wasnt going to get married but I thought I'd get some love from BW for being in college-at first I got it but in drip and drabs and then got BS and mo' BS.
I sure didnt think the Smart Black College Girl had if not the same definitley similar taste in men as her Around the Way counter part.

Truth is it may be an American Women thing-I have met black women from the UK and Africa and my sistahs yall sound like a bunch of Gordon Gekko's to the rest of the world-I mean sometimes black women in this country forget that as Women compared to the rest of yall sound suburban.
Thats all...for now
6/29/2006 16:34 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
hmurchison
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That was interesting. I agree with a lot of your points.
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6/29/2006 22:51 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
esme
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What are you talking about?
6/30/2006 14:56 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
ecjr23
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I agree with tempsoner, a lot of women today have that same attitude towards a brother that is doing what is needed to get that degree.

This woman that I dated back around '96 did that same thing to me. But the funny thing is she lived with her parents until just 3yrs ago, never paid rent or utilities. She just saved her money to buy her own home, which happened 3yrs ago. Well, I was put in a situation that required me to move back in with my mother. It wasn't that I didn't have a job, I have never been fired from a job a day in my life. Last year in July I moved back because my mother had a stroke and was hospitalized for a month. I took on both of our finances, it was a struggle and very stressful. I told this woman that I was moving back, but really never gave a reason. She insulted me like I was a bum on the streets or something. I had to remind her that she just moved out on her own at the age of 36, yes she was that old when she moved out. Also, her father is a minister, so you would think that she wouldn't be so judgemental.
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If I could have convinced more slaves that they were slaves, I could have freed thousands more. - Harriet Tubman
7/4/2006 02:47 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
vance87
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Jack wrote:
Speaking of being in trouble, I attended a men's ministry at a church a few weeks ago in Atlanta. The pastor was getting on the men cases tell them how lazy they are about approaching the sista's. It seemed as though he had to almost walk them through the steps as to what to do in greetings, in fellowships. He then said he was very disappointed in a lot of them, because he knows his church of full of too many together single Christian women, but the fella's aren't making the move, their making excuses, whining about not being ready. I have to agree with him when he said that any man over the age of 30 yrs that is content being single is not really trying to be a Christian, but he's lying. Because we all know, we have our needs. And if we're not trying to find a wife, then we are either gay, or fornicating, or doin' ourselves. I have to say if the men there don't want those sista's, it's party time for those of us that are seeking.




All due respect, but I think your Pastor is engaging in the same enabling tactics that highlight the clear divide in black relationships now. The primary problem is the absence of honest dialog concerning our situation. The plight of the black man has been regurgitated for the past 20 years in many media outlets. There is the radio, tv, mags, live lectures, etc.; pick one. By suspiciously ignoring the shifting social dynamics that now impact society, these in position of influence are doing nothing put pandering to the vanity of those (bw and society at large) who seek reenforcement at the expense of black men.

When Pastors like your -not that I'm singling him out- and other leaders who have legions of black women as there support base, i.e money, start to explain why it's disingenuous and hypocritical to expect black men to embrace social courtship decorum that is anchored in a time period when men and women behaved according to clearly defined roles, I'll take them more seriously. Today's modern woman want to prance around extolling the benefits of newfound financial, social, and political gains; and they should. But the same ones never seem to want to recognize that these new gains have directly impacted the balance in male and female relationships. Many will rather adamantly echo what your Pastor says not taking into account that men want courtable women; not modern day catch phrases. This means that being strong and independent is one thing; being financially self-sufficient is also admirable; being educated also is commendable, but it isn't where their problems lie. Their problems in terms of mates is the lack of grace that many men expect from women they're "suppose" to pursue.

Too many men who have women as their followers are guilty of not telling the whole truth. Men today have been dealt from the bottom of the deck. The rules to the game have been "tampered" with in the section of "The man's duties and responsibilities" The women of today are NOT our grandmother's generation and to a lesser extent, our mothers. My mother and grandmother didn't have to live in a society where the roles and expectations were so blurred. For everyone except black men that is. Depending on the responses, I'd be more than happy to further clarify these points. Peace
4/26/2007 16:38 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
doneit
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Exodus first chapter discusses pharoah plan to kill all the black male babies by employing two black women, shiprah and puah. These two women feared God and did not. Today pharoah is still employing black women in a different manner to destroy black men and these women do not fear God. I've seen black men walking their children across the street and black women try to run the man and his child over with a car. I've seen black women put black men in jail just to gain control of the black man's property. I've seen a black woman who was determined to put every black man in jail that she could and she has been successful at it. Yes there are some good black women and a few bad ones make it bad for all black women.
2/5/2008 04:11 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
doneit
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Let me also say. After MLK was killed, the civil rights movement as we knew it was also killed. Black women did not have a movement. A white woman stood in D.C. and burned her bra, declared she was independent and did not need a man. This was broadcasted all over the T.V. and newspapers. Black women joined the women's liberation movement by the thousands. About 5 years ago this same woman married a man but, the T.V. and newspaper did not say a word about it. This was one of the most subtil, covert and destructive plan designed to give imaginary power to black women. The only power black women have is over the black man. We all know power corrupts and absolute power absolutely corrupts. Imaginary power is just as dangerous as real power.
2/5/2008 04:26 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
doneit
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I talked to Daddy King one day and he said, "I walked into the hotel and approached the black female receptionist. The receptionist said, what do you want?" Daddy King went on to say, "I stood back astonished and the white driver that drove me from the air port brought my bags in and the same receptionist said, my I help you sir?"

As you can see, there is no respect for any black man. I've experienced the same thing time and time again.

I'm going to say this one thing and you figure it out. One day I opened the door to a 7-11 store as a black woman was coming out. This black woman feet were so black, I thought she did had shoes on. This sister looked up at me and her first facial expression was, OH YOU'RE JUST A BLACK MAN GET OUT OF MY WAY. Then it dawned upon her that this brother had a white shirt, suit and tie on, then she looked up again with the facial expression I'M AVAILABLE DO YOU LIKE WHAT YOU SEE? Needless to say, first impression is lasting empressions.
2/5/2008 04:38 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
doneit
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In reference to "Jack wrote". Any preacher downing a black man for not marrying a black woman does not belong in a pulpit. Proverbs clearly state it is better to live in the corner of a house than with a contentious woman. Secondly, Paul wrote, it is better to stay as he was (single) but, it is better to marry than burn.
Marriage is the most supreme ritual in all of the Bible but, it is not mandatory because, there is a thing called being a enuch.
A eunch may be born due to a birth defect in sexual organ.
A eunch may be made a eunch by castration
A man may choose to be celibate or eunch by choice.
My advice to "Jack" is tell that preacher to recall whether Elijah or John the Baptist was married?
2/5/2008 04:58 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
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