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Forum Start > Relationships > Couples And Marriage > Loving a woman that has a violent childhood
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ecjr23
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Loving a woman that has a violent childhood
I want to put this out there and hear everyone's views on being in love with a woman that was molested as a child, been involved in abusive relationships as an adult. For those of you that are used to seeing my user name here, knows that I put the thread out about getting advise. Well, I would like to discuss not why, but how to deal with a woman with a past like this. Women, I really want to hear from you; that way I can get a woman's point of view on this matter.

So the question is, do you continue to fight for the relationship? Show her that you love her unconditionally? Or would you stand by and wait to see if someday she will come back?
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ECJR23

If I could have convinced more slaves that they were slaves, I could have freed thousands more. - Harriet Tubman
7/29/2006 14:02 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
charity2k4
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well i guess her ability to trust and accept what is 'normal' has been damaged. Although i would never advise waiting around for someone who has walked away from you...i would probably advise to go a toe at at a time and establish trust through a friendship.
She may well overeact to things which appear to be nothing to you, but trigger a memory of abuse. You cant heal her, she has to heal herself through counselling but you can support that. i would also keep in my mind that she may completely reject you, in favour of abusive partners cos she is re-enacting her past. There is nothing you can do about that, trying to prove your better for her wont wake, although on an intellectual level it may make sense. She may be so badly damaged she cant pull herself out of the cycle of abuse
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7/30/2006 16:38 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
VickanS
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Honestly, almost every sista I've had a relationship with had been in some type of abusive relationship. Either by a father, an uncle, or some grown man known to the family. Most of it was molestation, but some of it was rape, verbal abuse, and other things.

When these women get older, they are obviously impacted by what they went through. Most of the ones Ive come across have a certain view of men. And I have seen abuse as a child, in a grown woman... show up in a few ways:

1. The women have put themselves in a situation where they never have to depend on a man. If their father was absent and verbally/mentally abused them, they are probably VERY independent women.

2. If they were molested, they may have a certain anger towards men. They don't date, they don't trust a lot of men, etc.

3. Opposite of that, some girls who are molested grow up thinking that they only way they can get men to like them is by giving up sex. So they end up being a bit promiscuous and using sex to satisfy their emotions.

There are other signs, but I'm not psychologist.

I think in a situation with a formerly abused person, you simply tell them that you love them and that you want to be and will be there for them. If they reject you, then you might have to just walk away.

It's up to that person to heal and accept people into their life.
8/1/2006 09:38 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
willie6
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I think you have to just give them space. A woman that was abused will always feel the affect of it. If she wants the relatoinship to grow she will put her mind and soul into it. Even if its hard to get past stuff from childhood she have to eventually get to a point where she have to confront those demons.
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8/1/2006 20:02 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
Intrepid_One
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I was married to woman with whom I have five beautiful children. In the midst of creating five children, she wouldn’t 1) admit she saw abuse, neglect, and anger from her father towards her mother. 2) That she experienced abuse before becoming involved with me. 3) She bought those demons into our marriage! After 10 tumultuous years, I had to bail out! My advice…if she experienced abuse visually or herself, don’t get involved until she gets help!
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To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly...Henri Bergson
3/20/2007 14:15 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
Intrepid_One
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Now I am involved with a woman who has never experienced abuse...she even saw her brother mudered with her own eyes! So she has seen violence...We gat along better than two pea ina pod! Me, infortunately, I am..I was still effected by my experieinces with my ex. I got help!
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To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly...Henri Bergson
3/20/2007 14:18 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
tha_grouch
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I hope this does not make me a bad person, but I have to keep it real. I don't think I can deal with a woman who has been molested or abused as a child...too many issues that I'm not willing to deal with.
4/23/2008 18:53 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
Forum Start > Relationships > Couples And Marriage > Loving a woman that has a violent childhood

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