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aaron83
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need advice
I am in love with a women that was previously in a relationship where she was abused mentally and physically. She felt the same for me but now she won't talk to me or see me she says she hates me and she told her friends she don't want anything to do with me, but I WON'T give up on her like allot of others have in the past. I WON'T let her go I love her, I am giving her space as long as it takes. I thought her backing away was a defense mechanism. So I sent her letters telling her I love her and such. I think I overwhelmed her, I also believe I was smothering her but I am in control of my feelings for her. I really miss her allot, I need advise please some one help me.
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12/2/2006 17:37 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
ecjr23
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My brother, read my post in "couples & marriage". I too was or am in the same situation. All I will say to you is to ask God to take this situation in his hands and do with it as he sees fit, and ask him to point you in the direction he has intended for you. As for this lady that has your heart, ask God to watch over her and help her through these troubling times. If she feels the same about you, she will eventually come back to where love awaits her. God bless you brother. Peace
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ECJR23

If I could have convinced more slaves that they were slaves, I could have freed thousands more. - Harriet Tubman
12/5/2006 05:05 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
aaron83
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ecjr23 wrote:
My brother, read my post in "couples & marriage". I too was or am in the same situation. All I will say to you is to ask God to take this situation in his hands and do with it as he sees fit, and ask him to point you in the direction he has intended for you. As for this lady that has your heart, ask God to watch over her and help her through these troubling times. If she feels the same about you, she will eventually come back to where love awaits her. God bless you brother. Peace



Thank you for the response I am asking God every day and I will wait as long as it takes, My love for her is endless.

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12/5/2006 12:27 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
VickanS
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Take ecjr23's advice. It is good information and like he said, keep talking to God and pray about it.

It is really hard to try and understand how a woman who was emotionally abused, feels about herself, her life, her environment, etc. She may be having problems with self esteem, self acceptance, and how she views men. One sista told me (she's a socialogist) that women who were abused as children sometimes respond to men in bunch of different ways. They might become too attached to men or they might shut them self off from me totally.

I know you said she was in a previous relationship where she was abused, but I dont know if that also means she may have been abused at a early age.

Either way keep praying my brotha. Give her the space but make sure she knows that you are there for her.
12/8/2006 12:40 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
aaron83
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ty
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12/8/2006 14:02 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
ecjr23
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Too bad most women do not realize that there are good men out there, that are willing to be there for them. They tend to group all men into one catagory.
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ECJR23

If I could have convinced more slaves that they were slaves, I could have freed thousands more. - Harriet Tubman
12/9/2006 10:36 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
aaron83
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Well I have good news :P she started talking to me today out of the blue she started talking to me over xfire i almost crapped myself LOL. I will be moving really slowly and carefully. I will return back here often with updates thank you for your support. I am going to have a talk with her just to explain things she is almost trying to back away again can't let that happen again, I am patient and understanding.



aaron83


(Last edit:: 12/10/2006 22:24)
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12/10/2006 02:00 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
ecjr23
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The big guy upstairs works in mysterious ways, huh? LOL! Just let her know that you are there for her; let her get used to knowing that she has someone there for her.
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ECJR23

If I could have convinced more slaves that they were slaves, I could have freed thousands more. - Harriet Tubman
12/23/2006 13:59 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
aaron83
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I did tell her that, we are talking now and I am taking things really slowly. She knows how much I care for her.
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12/23/2006 15:59 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
Cocoabeauty
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You guys are so sweet and sensitive!! I am a new member and browsing some of the forums.
2/1/2007 19:41 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
Cocoabeauty
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Does anyone know of a mysista.com?? Or any website similiar to this one for women of color.
2/1/2007 19:44 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
alisa01
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I am a single mother with (4) wonderful children. I was involved in a long term relationship that was very abusive & because of the effects it has left on my children I don't bring guys that I date in the presence of my kids but I would if it was something I thought was a lasting relationship. My question is "where have our good brothas gone"? Though I have (4) children I am very independant and because of my past relationship I am very selective of the guys that I choose. I am not in anyway needy as a matter of fact I do have a college degree and I do want a brotha who is stable by all means as well. I only want in return what I have to give & I believe that to only be fair.Lately that has become almost a dream to find. If you have any suggestions please HELP ASAP Because at the tender age of 31 I have almost lost hope. The other thing is maybe its just in the Atlanta, Georgia air!!
2/19/2007 14:02 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
ecjr23
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Alisa01, the good brothas are out there, just have to look a little more harder for them. I have went through the same situation as you; she was molested and abused when she was a child. Her first husband beat her and she had very bad relationships. We were together for a number of years, suppose to be married by now. But her problems from the past started to get in the way. We split up 5yrs ago, still keep in touch. She tells me that she wants to be with me and is still very much in love with me. The only thing that is keeping us apart now is that she ended up marrying another man from Africa. She admitted to me that she has made a mistake in marrying him. A couple of months ago, she came home for a family event, she stayed at my place for the whole week that she was here. She told me at that time that by the end of this year, she wants us to finally be married. I believed in every word that was said. Just last month she told me that he had a house built for them in an Atlanta suburb. They are suppos to be in Atlanta right now. So, just last month she told me that she feels that it's best for her not to speak to me anymore. And since she married this man in the eyes of God, she might as well try to make it work. Sh ekeeps telling me that this man do not deserve to get his feelings hurt. So I am in the same situation as you too, lost the woman that I felt I should be spending the rest of my life with.
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ECJR23

If I could have convinced more slaves that they were slaves, I could have freed thousands more. - Harriet Tubman
2/20/2007 12:59 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
alisa01
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ecjr23, I have long heard that wisdom comes in time and throughout all of my difficult lessons learned in this life the one thing that I value most is that when you find people who want to walk out of your life for watever reason LET THEM GO!!! I am a firm believer that whatever a man or woman does to the people in their life before you they will certainly do to you. Don't sit around with your head hung down even if it hurts that too shall pass, Go on with your life and be happy when you do because 9 out of 10 she's not leaving the man she has chosen & that's o.k. You see sometimes we have lifetime expectations of people who are in our lives for a season And things don't work out in our favor because those people are in our lives for one reason only & when that lesson is learned it is time to move on.When pain goes on without total & complete healing it gets passed from one person to the other. You've done more than enough to prove your love so at this point I think you let her go & if she comes back she was yours all along. Until then know that God has a destiny for you & he created Eve for Adam surely just like me he has created & ordained someone just for you & who knows maybe that person hasn't entered into your life because your holding on to someone you should let go!! Good Luck we both seem to need a little of that. Pray for me & I will be praying for you God works mysteriously!! Take care
2/21/2007 10:04 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
ecjr23
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Yeah, the big guy do work in mysterious ways. I will be keeping you in my prayer my sister. Peace
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ECJR23

If I could have convinced more slaves that they were slaves, I could have freed thousands more. - Harriet Tubman
2/24/2007 22:12 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
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