I think a lot of these issues stem from experience more so than terms, movements, and recent cultural history. My grandmother married two men. The first was a drunk that beat her, and spent up all his paycheck before it could be useful to the family. The second was a cheat that brought his girlfriends to my grandmother's sister's house for "sexual healing". Now, I'm not saying this is the norm; but when it gets down to the facts she [my grandmother] was in a situation and time period in which she needed a these men to take care of her and her kids, and they BOTH let her down. So, what did she do? She sent her children down south to live with her sisters while she went looking for better jobs in the north. So, now imagine how she raised her children, specifically her daughters. One of the reasons my grandmother had to ask her family to raise her children was because she only had an eighth grade education and wasn't eligible for a job that would pay enough for her to raise her 5 children alone.
Thus lesson number 1 for her daughters: ALWAYS, ALWAYS, be able to take care of yourself and your children.
After this experience with men my grandmother tried dating guys now and then but was never really happy again so she concentrated on working. She went to school to be a nurse, bought her own house and land in North Carolina...but she NEVER had a man again..
Lesson number 2 for her kids: Men may come and go but things are yours for however long you are willing to work and to pay for them and some things come at a profit. And education is EVERYTHING!
Now I'm not saying that these are the right lessons to teach children but these are definitely the lessons that were learned in my family and until this day my mother says the same things to me. Get an education, get a good job, be stable, be smart, know how to take care of yourself and your family, never stop looking for opportunities to learn...no conversations about how to treat a man, nurture a relationship, build a healthy family and share my life with someone. I see this entire issue as a reaction to a greater one. The independent women is not something that simply sprung from the burned bras of the women's movement but a symptom of the total disharmony, disenfranchisement and struggle within and without the black community.
This is not a negative thing and the independent women is only a negative persona to those who have experienced her negatively or confuse her with a Sapphire women. However like most symptoms no matter how positive or negative things can get inflamed when new elements enter the system/society and we as a culture need time and better communication to adjust to this relatively new entity and more importantly we need time to heal from what has caused it....because the independent women is here to stay...like it or not...
Let it Flow...