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cleopatrasmile
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Oral Sex
Hi Guys, I'm new here. I guess I'll start this off with a bang.

It has been brought to my attention that a lot of guys will stray from a female partner if she want "go down" on him. Even if he likes everything else about her. What is your take on that?


(Last edit:: 1/11/2008 19:36)
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12/24/2007 22:22 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
thedrknghtno1
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A good sexual relationship with your partner is as important as the other parts of the relationship as well..Men and women have explored more sexually in the recent years so its natural to know their experience and past. Find someone who is compatible in all ways including sexual needs and wants...

i also believe that if you do persue anything, get tested. I checked and was negative so you know that your past doesnt hurt your future.
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12/28/2007 21:23 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
cleopatrasmile
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I agree that all parts of the relationship are important. I think that sex is important to females, but more so for the males. I see a lot of marriages either failing or about to fall because the husband feels the wife isn't "turning up the heat" anymore. Not willing to experiment anymore etc.
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12/29/2007 16:08 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
VickanS
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If that is the only reason a man leaves a woman, then he's a chump! I don't have a problem saying that. The reason I dont is because it is difficult to find trusting, beautifuly, smart (who can cook), sexy, nurturing women. There are many out there, but they are sometimes just as hard to find.

Yes, a couple should be compatible sexually and these type of things should be discussed before even getting that far.

Now, if she used to do it and now stopped, this is really no different than a man who used to take a woman out to dinner, "date her", be attentive, etc. and stop once they get married. I have heard many men say their wives dont want sex as much and stop doing oral stuff.

I do believe sex compatibility is important in a relationship but I dont think sex is the most important part of a relationship. If your a female and feel uncomfortable giving oral sex, you shouldnt have to change your ways just because society (and other women) tell you that you need to do it to keep a man.

Just be open up front and let the man know that its not something your comfortable with. He will either get over it or find somebody else.
1/11/2008 19:24 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
Sarina22
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Please. I actually dated a guy who said he oral sex was almost mandatory for most men and he himself, "preferred" it. He further stated that he wouldn't stay with a woman who refused to do it.

For the record, I don't have a problem with oral sex, but I will not be with a man who says it's "mandatory".

Needless to say, the time I spent dating him was very short!
1/11/2008 19:30 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
cleopatrasmile
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Thanks for the insight VicKanS and Sarina22.

I guess I need to come clean and elaborate on my take on all this. I'm not the one who feels uncomfortable. I'm the one that met the need. He's involved with someone else who was meeting his needs and now has lost interest. I really like him, but he knows that he has to choose. Nothing is going on between us now but conversation. He says he loves us "both", but that he's miserable in the bedroom because she has lost interest in sex and don't even mention anything else. I told him he'll have to be just mine or don't call me anymore. He want stop calling and even begging sometimes. I hate to turn him down, but I have to look out for number one. He's married.
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1/12/2008 14:47 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
vance87
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cleopatrasmile wrote:
Thanks for the insight VicKanS and Sarina22.

I guess I need to come clean and elaborate on my take on all this. I'm not the one who feels uncomfortable. I'm the one that met the need. He's involved with someone else who was meeting his needs and now has lost interest. I really like him, but he knows that he has to choose. Nothing is going on between us now but conversation. He says he loves us "both", but that he's miserable in the bedroom because she has lost interest in sex and don't even mention anything else. I told him he'll have to be just mine or don't call me anymore. He want stop calling and even begging sometimes. I hate to turn him down, but I have to look out for number one. He's married.



You can't be serious.

Why are you involved with another woman's man is the question that should be asked. It never ceases to amaze me how often women will be the primary agents of discontent when it comes to relationships.

Too many of you speak from this disconnect of entitlement. Like you should really have claims on this "married" man.




3/24/2008 00:54 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
cleopatrasmile
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caught up
Quote from previous==> You can't be serious.

Why are you involved with another woman's man is the question that should be asked. It never ceases to amaze me how often women will be the primary agents of discontent when it comes to relationships.

Too many of you speak from this disconnect of entitlement. Like you should really have claims on this "married" man.


_____________________________________________________________________________

You know, if you had ask me that question a few years ago. I would have responded similar to you. This was something I said I would never do. I'm not involved in it now, but I just got "caught up". I think it was the situation at the time. We both were going through some bad times and created some sort of of a unrealistic fantasy world. Fell in love etc. Of course sooner or later you have to come back to reality. Doesn't change how you feel about each other though. You just don't act on it anymore.

By the way, I never felt like I had "claims".. he made me feel like I should at the time. Keep living. You'll find out you're not as perfect as you think you are.

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3/30/2008 20:18 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
VickanS
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Okay cleopatrasmile... I think you contradicted yourself. If not literally, you did in a relationship sense.

The last line in your last post said:


Quote:
Keep living. You'll find out you're not as perfect as you think you are.


but in the line right before that, you said:


Quote:
Doesn't change how you feel about each other though. You just don't act on it anymore.


Exactly. We all know were not perfect and most of us have feelings about others that we shouldnt have. The thing is though (like you mentioned) you dont act on it. It never matters what you want - it only matters what you do.
4/6/2008 11:33 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
cleopatrasmile
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Looks like everyone is enjoying reading this "real" soap opera. But, not a lot of people are responding. (ha ha) Anyway, I guess I'll give you a little more insight to the situation. I think one of the reason it's hard to really move on is that we still see each other in a corporate setting. It will probably be easier when one of us is not there. We are still amicable. It's kind of strange trying to go from friends - to lovers - and back to friends. I think that part might be a little bit easier for the females than the males. Once you've sleep with a guy, of course, it's always in the back of their minds how they can get some more. You just have to keep waving that big stop sign.
His marriage was not doing so well when we met. I think I was sort of a an escape. Now he has to face the fact that he really doesn't want to be there. He says she has some issues that they can't seem to get pass in the bedroom. I think she just is not interested in him that way anymore. Likes that he's a good provider and friend. I think it's just a matter of time before they part. So guys, do you think a guy can just be friends with a female after they part as lovers and it wasn't in a bad way?
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4/7/2008 07:41 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
forrealtho
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Sister, let me start by saying the title of your post is WRONG! This is not at all abouth the wonderful act of Oral Sex. It is however about Adultry. And that is what I will address. I will do so from the experience of living on both sides of that abomination. While married, after being constantly cheated on, I finally cheated. Later on after my divorce and reconciling myself with God, I found myself in a life altering affair that lasted more than six years. It was a decent into hell. I fell for his lines about her not meeting his needs, this even after declaring "I don't want your husband, I want my own." Yet I fell. This affair led me into a life of depression and secrecy and all of my gifts and talents were dorminant. I am not judjing you for I am still a sinner saved by grace. I just won't cross that line of interfering with a covenant two people have made with God. If he needs oral sex, it is his wife's business. NOT YOURS. Maybe there are some needs she has that he is not meeting like total committment and this is easily decerned by a woman. As for him he has to decide if it is a deal breaker and stay or leave. You staying in the picture keeps him from having to face his own reality. "Mooooooooove, get out the way! Get your own husband and delight in his nectar.
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4/8/2008 15:26 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
cleopatrasmile
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Well, I'm sorry to disapoint you "forrealtho". If you would like to start your on string and elaborate on the said topic - feel free. I'm glad that you were able to recover from your situation, however. Sounds like you went through some rough times. The reason it had the title was because that was one of the "issues" that caused him to stray among others. Anyway, as mentioned in the previous threads, I have long passed all that you mentioned. Nothing is going on. I'm dating other people.
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4/11/2008 20:44 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
TheRealDeal4Sho'
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You're Not There

cleopatrasmile wrote:
I agree that all parts of the relationship are important. I think that sex is important to females, but more so for the males. I see a lot of marriages either failing or about to fall because the husband feels the wife isn't "turning up the heat" anymore. Not willing to experiment anymore etc.


You're an outsider, you don't know why a marriage is 'failing', if it is. You listened to what MARRIED men tell you and you've formulated your opinion which is tainted BECAUSE YOU'VE HAD SEX WITH THE MARRIED MAN TELLING YOU WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR. I'm sure the wife would've giving you a different story had you spoke with her BEFORE you had sex with her husband.

MAYBE THE WIFE "ISN'T TURNING UP THE HEAT ANYMORE" BECAUSE SHE FOUND OUT HER HUSBAND IS HAVING SEX OUTSIDE OF THEIR MARRIAGE AND SHE DOESN'T WANT TO CATCH SOMETHING SHE CAN'T GET RID OF.

Quite frankly, it's none of your business why someone else's marriage is failing unless you're a family member and they see you as a trusted source and come to you in confidentiality for guidance/advice OR you happen to be a LICENSED therapist qualified to analyze and resolve problems MARRIED couples have.

By the way, cheating MARRIED men usually have more than one galfriend - WHO ELSE WAS HE HAVING SEX WITH WHEN HE WAS SEXING YOU ON THE SIDE.
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5/10/2008 09:16 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
TheRealDeal4Sho'
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vance87 wrote:

cleopatrasmile wrote:
Thanks for the insight VicKanS and Sarina22.

I guess I need to come clean and elaborate on my take on all this. I'm not the one who feels uncomfortable. I'm the one that met the need. He's involved with someone else who was meeting his needs and now has lost interest. I really like him, but he knows that he has to choose. Nothing is going on between us now but conversation. He says he loves us "both", but that he's miserable in the bedroom because she has lost interest in sex and don't even mention anything else. I told him he'll have to be just mine or don't call me anymore. He want stop calling and even begging sometimes. I hate to turn him down, but I have to look out for number one. He's married.



You hate to turn him down, but you have to look out for number one? What does that mean BECAUSE HE'S MARRIED. Are you looking out for number one meaning yourself - if so, then you ovbviously didn't have any problems turning him down.

If you don't want him to ever call you - why not change your number. What is he begging for when he calls - to have sex with you right? How young are you?

Look, this guy doesn't love you and never will - HE LOVES WHAT YOU DO FOR HIM SEXUALLY AND THAT'S IT - you're his jump off, if that.

You can't be serious.

Why are you involved with another woman's man is the question that should be asked. It never ceases to amaze me how often women will be the primary agents of discontent when it comes to relationships.

Too many of you speak from this disconnect of entitlement. Like you should really have claims on this "married" man.






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We Still Have Ourselves To Deal With At The End Of The Day.
5/10/2008 09:21 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
TheRealDeal4Sho'
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cleopatrasmile wrote:
Looks like everyone is enjoying reading this "real" soap opera. But, not a lot of people are responding. (ha ha) Anyway, I guess I'll give you a little more insight to the situation. I think one of the reason it's hard to really move on is that we still see each other in a corporate setting. It will probably be easier when one of us is not there. We are still amicable. It's kind of strange trying to go from friends - to lovers - and back to friends. I think that part might be a little bit easier for the females than the males. Once you've sleep with a guy, of course, it's always in the back of their minds how they can get some more. You just have to keep waving that big stop sign.
His marriage was not doing so well when we met. I think I was sort of a an escape. Now he has to face the fact that he really doesn't want to be there. He says she has some issues that they can't seem to get pass in the bedroom. I think she just is not interested in him that way anymore. Likes that he's a good provider and friend. I think it's just a matter of time before they part. So guys, do you think a guy can just be friends with a female after they part as lovers and it wasn't in a bad way?




It can't be much going on in your life seeing that you wrote this post on Christmas Eve! You don't have any family or loved ones to spend quality time with instead of worrying about and running up after another woman's husband that couldn't care less about you - WHERE WAS HE WHEN YOU WROTE THIS POST, WITH HIS WIFE.

Haven't you heard the sayings:

- You Don't Get Your Honey Where You Make Your Money
- You Don't Eat Where You Crap

A single person having sex with a married individual is TOXIC. A single person having sex with a married individual who works together is OUTRAGEOUS. Men talk more than women and more than likely you coworkers know about this affair and probably shun you like no tomorrow. Your reputation and name is pretty much mud.

Why don't you ask his WIFE if it's okay to be friends with him instead of directing this senseless DRAMA to us.
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5/10/2008 09:27 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
willie6
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Well cleopatrasmile i wont jump on you like the realdeal did but i think you have some real concerns and probaby still have feelings for the guy. That is a shame cuz there are so many other men out there you can have to yourself. No need to be 'second' to another womans man.
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5/10/2008 14:30 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
Forum Start > Relationships > Dating > Oral Sex
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