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Forum Start > Relationships > Sex And Intimacy > If only for one nite???
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msdione
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Registered: 2/16/2008    Warnings: 0
If only for one nite???
I'm a 31 year old single female. I've been out of the actual dating scene for a while but have a few guy friend. Last weekend went out with the girls but most of them ended the night early for various reasons. I called one of my really good guy friendto hang out with and we hung all nite (if you know what I mean). I need a little advice because I'm not sure how to handle what happened between us. This guy and I have been in a friendship for a couple of years and have had relations on 2 occasions but have been able to grow and develop past that. So we can talk and be cool with no relations involved, assumed or talked about. It has been a few years since our last encounter but this weekend was different. I'm not sure if it was the reggae music or something but we went there and I feel funny about it this time. As I have gotten older I have really grown to appreciate men and their purpose in my life and I feel as if I devalued him in some kind of way. I have told him how I feel and he assured me that it was cool and he felt as if we both were aware of what we where doing. I was very aware at the time but now I don't know how to approach him. I'm open to having more with him but not sure due to the circumstances it would be possible. So in a way I'm shutting down to avoid confusion or hurt. Due to the friendship I call him often and if i continue it would be normal. But a part of me no longer wants to call him because I don't want to get caught up in having a homie lover friend. But a big part of me wish that it could be more than just one nite.




I'm open to any ideas on this situation. Thanks for your input


(Last edit:: 2/18/2008 14:02)
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2/16/2008 15:54 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
VickanS
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I dont think you are finding yourself in any position a lot of other women have been in before. Im not downplaying your situation but a lot of women have guy "friends" who they cross the line with and then things get "weird" after that. I dont know your guy friend personally, so I cant say where he's coming from exactly but I think most men will explore those "relations" if you allow it. Notice I said if YOU allow it. Its really up to the woman whether things will get that hot and heavy.

I dont know what part feels "funny" to you because you mentioned other circumstances. But i have known many sistas who have male friends who they never touched, then one day.. BAM, theyre gettin' busy. I think you have to ask yourself, is it lonelyness? is it lust? do I really want to be with him and wish for that secretly? do I want more with him and hope that someday he will see the light?

So when you say you have gotten older and you have come to appreciate men in your life, you have to figure out what that appreciation is.
2/21/2008 20:43 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
msdione
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Thanks
I'm pretty sure this is the reason I'm being tested in this area is because I have not seriously thought about that. I don't consider myself lonely I don't have any problems meeting guys. A big part of me is done with all the running around and all I really want is to settle down but not too many guys want the whole relationship. I know it was just sex. I guess my heart and mind (thinking) has changed but my flesh has yet to learn the lesson my thinking has undergone. I do have a question about women and sex after 30 (LOL) is there some kind of peak a women reaches in life were she becomes more sensual (wanting it more) ?
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2/22/2008 16:14 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
forrealtho
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Location: Georgia
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Girl, it seems that the flesh won that round. Don't be too hard on yourself. Our sexual desires are powerful and in order for this world to continually be procreated, that desire must win. Discuss how you feel with your friend openly but don't chase him. Relax and let him come to you. If he does not. You have to let it go. Maye yall can be friends but if you do not want this to happen again, keep your contact public. If you are committed to having a sexually exclusive relationship, get the committment first. The right man who has this to offer you will know how to handle it. If you are committed to no sex before marriage do that. Just decide what you want and go get it. Yes as a single christian woman over 45, I can tell you that sometimes the sexual desire is overpowering. You may consider masterbation or cold showers, but if you let yourself get into a situation the flesh just may win again, so get back up n try again. Much Love
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4/8/2008 17:52 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
MissMEB
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To answer one of your questions about women and sex after 30. Yes we do tend to want it more because unlike men who peak at 18 women dont hit their sexual peak until 40. So the best years are definately ahead of you.
As for your friend. If he is truly a friend you should be able to talk to him about the situation with no problem and speak freely about how you feel. Men are not mind readers and they should not have to be. Its up to you to tell him whatever is it you may be feeling and whatever is bugging you. If he is a true friend he will listen and hear you and he will tell you what he's feeling if anything. Whatever the case be direct and honest with him and be prepared for whatever he may or may not say. If he is truly a friend this will not hurt your relationship at all in fact it will probably bring you two closer.
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MissMEB
12/16/2009 13:27 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
Giftedbrother
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Location: Texas
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From a brother's point of view.

MissMEB wrote:
To answer one of your questions about women and sex after 30. Yes we do tend to want it more because unlike men who peak at 18 women dont hit their sexual peak until 40. So the best years are definately ahead of you.
As for your friend. If he is truly a friend you should be able to talk to him about the situation with no problem and speak freely about how you feel. Men are not mind readers and they should not have to be. Its up to you to tell him whatever is it you may be feeling and whatever is bugging you. If he is a true friend he will listen and hear you and he will tell you what he's feeling if anything. Whatever the case be direct and honest with him and be prepared for whatever he may or may not say. If he is truly a friend this will not hurt your relationship at all in fact it will probably bring you two closer.


Things happen! You were two consenting adults doing what grown folks do. Like Miss MEB mentioned if he is your friend then he will be fine.

I messed with a friend once and things worked out well. We are still cool she is with her boo and I am with my wife. Sometimes life throughs you a curve ball so what are going to do about it?

If you change your habits he will notice and things will change between the two of you. Keep all the way 100 with him and be friends! Things happens!
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A real man cares, a real man, forgives, a real loves unconditionally. Trey
2/2/2010 13:52 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
Forum Start > Relationships > Sex And Intimacy > If only for one nite???

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