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Forum Start > Relationships > Couples And Marriage > Is it possible for years of inconsistency and drama to make a couple's love stronger?
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Madamoiselle
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Is it possible for years of inconsistency and drama to make a couple's love stronger?
Need insight, however, I will be brief with the details. Here goes: They met in college, dated, fell in love, he walks in on her cheating with his teammate. As a result, they separate for 1 year and remarkably, he returns to her, she takes him back of course. He has forgiven her for cheating but hasn't forgotten. Senior year, they get an apartment together, he gets a ring with intentions of proposing yet by the end of the 1 yr lease, they go their own separate ways due to arguments and him seeking out revenge by entertaining a 4 month long affair with a young lady out of state. So the ring is now classified as a friendship ring, he never proposed and claims she is not the woman he sees himself with until death does them apart. Now, despite the break-up post moving out, he continues to seek her out for physical needs, she of course recieves him. He meets me, we're introduced by mutual friends so he supposedly stops seeing his supposed ex for his supposed physical needs. We become close, then committed, then intimate. She announces that she is pregnant and will keep the baby since during college she miscarried and aborted his children twice and thus wishes to keep the 3rd pregnancy. He's devasted, studying for the GMAT not ready to be a dad. I did not take the news with a grain of salt, it was extremely hard to bear the thought of another woman carrying the man I fell in love with's child. I gave him hell for it. She disappeared for about 3 months, they argued constantly re: her decision. There's a possibility it may not be his, vice versa since they did not use protection when intimate. We were suppose to move in together since my lease was up Dec 15. On Dec 5, he breaks up with me, claiming his decision was not easy but all him and I did was argue about him becoming a "baby daddy" and how I will not become entangled in a Jerry Springer episode. He tells me he never loved me, he made a mistake and plans to get a house and be a family with her. Do couples that endured so much turmoil have a chance of succee
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12/24/2008 01:17 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
Madamoiselle
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The question cut off. Question is: With couples that have endured, cheating, back and forth between one another and other mates, arguing, fighting, lost love, what is the liklihood of this couple succeeding for the sake of his decision to be a "do right brother" rather than a statistical "baby daddy" even though he doesn't love her. He's doing it for the baby. He claims him and I argued about he so much he better off being with her since she's having his kid anyway. I want to learn from this situation as I am extremely heartbroken. I fell in love with him.
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12/24/2008 01:23 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
VickanS
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Quote:
He meets me, we're introduced by mutual friends so he supposedly stops seeing his supposed ex for his supposed physical needs.


"Supposed" is the important word here.


Quote:
With couples that have endured, cheating, back and forth between one another and other mates, arguing, fighting, lost love, what is the liklihood of this couple succeeding for the sake of his decision to be a "do right brother" rather than a statistical "baby daddy" even though he doesn't love her.


Like i mentioned in another thread, he sounds like an immature brotha. Doesnt have his standards or morals in check and probably dont know what he wants out of life. Nothing wrong with being a "do right brother" (if you get her pregnant, the baby is your responsibility too) but whether he "loves" her or not.. only he know.

Plus just becasue a relationship went though hard times dont mean its better for the relationship. A couple doesnt have to go through strife to understand what trust and committment is.


Quote:
I want to learn from this situation as I am extremely heartbroken. I fell in love with him.


That is sad to hear, sis. We all fall in love with the wrong people sometime. I know its difficult to deal with all of this now, but you will be fine. It takes time but you will see that things work out a certain way for a reason. There is someone 10-TIMES better waiting for you!
1/2/2009 15:47 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
Madamoiselle
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Thank you. It all thumbs down to his naivte and yes, him immaturity. I've decided to let it go, going through the motions right now but I'll be ok. He contacts me here and there and is being extra nice (so wierd) but many wise ones have advised me that he sounds, looks, smells like trouble.
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1/2/2009 15:57 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
Mrs. Payne2
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I think that it depends on the type of relationship that you and that person has.If you all been together for quit sometime and that person have not gotten whatever they need to have together then that person is full of games and thats something grown people dont do is play games.Becouse inconsistency almost always turn into a lie.I you let the other person know that you are not for no games and you and that other person sit down and pray and ask god to help yourself and the other person,God will answer your prayers.But you and that person must beleive and put all of your problems in to Gods hands!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2/1/2009 07:53 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
TT4kev189
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Educated and Objective advice!
The problem with so many relationships is that both of you are guilty and both of you are equally responsible. I say this because too many times men are viewed as the trouble maker or main problem and the women are viewed as the victim or good one in the relationship. These are stereotypes and they WILL HAVE A POWERFUL AND DESTRUCTIVE AFFECT ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP. Whether things work out or not you need to know the TOTAL TRUTH of what happened. The TOTAL TRUTH is all the pertinent facts laid out on the table with a TOTAL COMMITMENT TO THE TRUTH. Nothing is worse than repeating the same mistakes in which too many painful experiences always leads to lowered self esteem, anxieties and a pessimistic attitude. The TOTAL TRUTH method is to be opened to all possibilities. Sit down, pray for insight and help and be willing to listen and respect advice.

Question 1: What were your expectations of him? Be very open, detailed and honest because it helps identify expectations that may not have been fair, agreed to or even realistic.
Question 2: Did you have a vision for this relationship and did you clearly know his vision. Was an assumption made? Was some details left out? Was a little manipulation involved?
Question 3: Was acts of infidelity properly worked out? Did you and him hash things out prematurely followed by sex? Did everything come out when it was time to confess or did someone assume "what they don't know won't hurt them"?

No more questions! I believe that MOST couples truly want the best out of each other and for each other in the beginning. But bad habits, stubbornness, STEREOTYPES ON BOTH SIDES, personal insecurities, and negative people can turn a potentially beautiful relationship into such a devastating memory.
2/8/2009 07:14 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
thedrknghtno1
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TT4kev189 wrote:
The problem with so many relationships is that both of you are guilty and both of you are equally responsible. I say this because too many times men are viewed as the trouble maker or main problem and the women are viewed as the victim or good one in the relationship. These are stereotypes and they WILL HAVE A POWERFUL AND DESTRUCTIVE AFFECT ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP. Whether things work out or not you need to know the TOTAL TRUTH of what happened. The TOTAL TRUTH is all the pertinent facts laid out on the table with a TOTAL COMMITMENT TO THE TRUTH. Nothing is worse than repeating the same mistakes in which too many painful experiences always leads to lowered self esteem, anxieties and a pessimistic attitude. The TOTAL TRUTH method is to be opened to all possibilities. Sit down, pray for insight and help and be willing to listen and respect advice.

Question 1: What were your expectations of him? Be very open, detailed and honest because it helps identify expectations that may not have been fair, agreed to or even realistic.
Question 2: Did you have a vision for this relationship and did you clearly know his vision. Was an assumption made? Was some details left out? Was a little manipulation involved?
Question 3: Was acts of infidelity properly worked out? Did you and him hash things out prematurely followed by sex? Did everything come out when it was time to confess or did someone assume "what they don't know won't hurt them"?

No more questions! I believe that MOST couples truly want the best out of each other and for each other in the beginning. But bad habits, stubbornness, STEREOTYPES ON BOTH SIDES, personal insecurities, and negative people can turn a potentially beautiful relationship into such a devastating memory.


This was well said and needed to be typed....To believe that only ONE gender is to blame in a drama relationship is ridiculous. Women are not perfect...despite their beliefs. They make many mistakes in relationships which start off from not knowing the real man from the beginning. Men hear this all the time: "He wasn't the same man when I met him" OF COURSE NOT! People change as they get older OR the "man" you met wasn't a man at all.

Women who go through drama need to actually look at themselves and what they attract and what kind of man they want in their lives. Most of all, they need to accept THEIR part in the failure of the relationship if they want to change it for the better.

A good example: A woman who has a social page, has over 20 half naked pictures and looking for a "meaningful relationship", but gets angry when the men are not sincere. Not the man's fault when you made the choice of your page.

and this was a true story.

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2/26/2009 09:48 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
Forum Start > Relationships > Couples And Marriage > Is it possible for years of inconsistency and drama to make a couple's love stronger?

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