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Forum Start > Relationships > Couples And Marriage > 8 years n still no ring
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Registered: 1/19/2009    Warnings: 0
8 years n still no ring
Hello,
I am a 37 year old female and I am in a relationship with a man who doesn't want to marry me. The reason I say he doesn't want to is becaus everytime I ask it's always the same excuse: We don't have any money! I have been here for this man for 8 years and I am not perfect but through out this whole ordeal I have worked on myself to better me as a person. Not just for him but for me!!! I know I am a good woman and I have been to him. I have never stepped outside of the relationship and I have yet to receive a ring, necklace or earrings from this man. No sexy items that we as women like! Nothing, but I have picked up things for him when I am out shopping. From what I am realizing he's just a taker and not so much of a giver. He likes to receive more then he gives. And I am just sick of the relationship we don't have intercourse and when he does try to touch me it feels strange. I am not in love with him and I have told him this and he just as of now. Acts like this will just go away but this time I am the one who doesn't want to be in this relationship. I am 37 no kids and I think that God has more then just a "boyfriend" for me at this time and if I don't walk away now I am going to continue to miss out on what maybe waiting for me. I am really upset with myself for letting this go on for 8 long years but at this persent time all I can do is just pickup the pieces and start over. When I think of starting over I really get mad because it's just so much out here and I am not into the clubs etc... But like my mom use to say "It's better sometimes to be by yourself then to be with someone and not happy" and as hard as times are meaning with bills I will just have to cut back because that's one really main reason I am having. How will I pay all the bills? But I will put my faith and god and let him
lead the way. Can anyone give me some advice as to what to do and if I am wrong?
1/19/2009 05:31 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
thedrknghtno1
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Posts: 47
Location: Ohio
Registered: 3/1/2007      Warnings: 0
Ok...ill try this one....

First....8 years is too long to be with someone that you have no affection for. You are a giver but you havent given to yourself...you give to him and his kids...give to yourself first. You want to live for a better day not die with a person who can make it bad for you.

Second...it seems like you have put yourself in your own predicament...you allowed him to bring you down and you have believed it. Get up and get out there...the world is better than you think.

Third...with your finances, everybody is having problems so youre not alone. but you have to just break down for a while til the tide is better. Talk to some people about getting out of debt and there are plenty of good books that help as well...

and last...you need to have a better image of yourself...the ideas of 37 being too old and not young are not helping...there are people leading the best lives past 50, 60 and look and feel great. You have to let that go...see your pastor and get with some singles groups at your church for comfort and strength.

Good luck!
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till all are one...
1/23/2009 07:44 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
JustBeingMe
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Registered: 1/19/2008      Warnings: 0
There is no relationship. It's time to hightail it in the other direction (with no questions asked) when there's no WEDDING after five years. All to often FEMALES:

- Try to work things out by trying to figure out what's going wrong
- Think what can they do to make things better
- Actually believe he needs more time to get himself financially together
- Believe I've "named him and claimed him" so I know he's my husband
- Think they're "stuff" is the greatest like no other
- Try to change the man they're with into loving them

And all the while DUDE could care less. It doesn't take MEN long to place a newly acquainted female in one of the following categories:

(1) Friends (keep in touch every now and again)
(2) Future (this is the one, MAN pursues the WOMAN and she doesn't have a need to ask questions because he's ASSURED her in various aspects that she's the one, ESPECIALLY through his ACTIONS)
(3) The profane word that starts with F

Need I tell you which category you've allowed yourself to be in? Your BOYfriend has had what sounds like a loving, loyal female to care for and nurture him through adversities, but what have you received in return?

GUYS can smell desperation, needy and naive a mile away and they use it to their advantage.

Do you HONESTly think you're the ONLY female he's been with sexually in 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8 years, especially since you're no longer having sex with him! Why should he marry you when the chase and challenge was over years ago; you're no longer intriguing to him. What is there to marry after you've completely handed him all of your bargaining chips?

You feel strange when he touches you because you resent him. You resent him for not loving you because in your mind, "How could he not love me after all I've done for him"? You played yourself to the curb hard with this one, so I strongly suggest you take heed to the WOMENS INTUITION that got you to this fed up point and LEAVE.

Leave abruptly so that you won't give him a chance to confuse you more with his excuses and half truths, but I don't think he'll put up much resistance when you head because you're not the only female in his atmosphere. Remain gone and out of his life when you leave. DO NOT LET HIM BACK INTO YOUR LIFE seven months or a year later when he calls asking you how you're doing. DELETE all emails you receive from him without reading them.

You settled for having a piece of a man in your life because it was comfortable with someone helping you pay bills.

Yet, you still question yourself as your last words are, "If I am wrong". A coworker has been 'dating' the same GUY for eleven years; NO promise, friendship or engagement ring. However; he gave her a tennis bracelet for Christmas last year but little does she know ..... that's his way of buying himself about three more FREE years with her of NO commitment!

Not discounting or questioning your relationship with God, but what does He have to do with your situation? You've learned a valuable lesson by wasting eight years of your life MESSing with someone who doesn't give a rats tail about you and NOW you're going to put faith in God and let Him lead the way? How many times did God give you a means to get out of this situation, but you refused to listen and ignored Him because you were having to much fun being out of His Will catering to your flesh?

Here's the REAL advice you're probably not ready for - next time, KEEP YOUR LEG CLOSED until AFTER a commitment has been mutually established and REMEMBER a comitment is more than words.
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Your Attitude Determines Your Altitude
7/13/2009 00:21 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
Forum Start > Relationships > Couples And Marriage > 8 years n still no ring

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