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VickanS
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Empowering One Another
If there is one thing black men can learn from black women, it is the bond that some sistas share with other sistas where they empower, help, and support one another. I don't see this enough with black men.

How many grown men talk to another man when he is having relationship problems?

How many intelligent grown men go out and seek friendships with equally intelligent men, without feeling like you are stepping across boundaries?

Brothas sometimes act like (this is probably more ego than anything) they can't open up to another man, or communicate like I see our sistas doing. Don't get me wrong though. Black women can scratch and scowl at each other with the best of them... (that's another thread!) ... but when you have two sistas who care about each other, support each other and depend on each other, that is a strong bond that seems unbreakable sometimes.

Why don't black men treat each other the same way... without thinking somebody's gay, or somebody's trying to take what I got???
3/28/2006 07:25 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
trek
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Empowering One Another

I can say that I've had close male friendships similar to that of black females. There was nothing gay about us. In fact, in our men's group at church we are close and learning to get closer. We go out together, we share, we cry with each other, we seek to understand each other. VickanS, I make a point to step over the so-called boundaries with brothas that I'm close to. It's strange at first because we have not built up trust, but once trust is established, we talk just like the sistas. In fact, i go into detail about male friendship in my book and how to accomplish such a friendship you talk about. At our last men's retreat, it was something of a miracle to see men crying and hugging each other and revelations and secrets exposed that brought healing. I talk to other men when I'm having problems at home with the wife, but he's got to be trustworthy, a convenant like relationship like David and Johnathan in the Bible. A topic i explored deeply and leaned how to connect with other men. Men can have a strong unbreakable bond. I'm running on with words but I'll stop here.
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3/28/2006 19:55 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
trek
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Empowering one another,

Ok, check this out!! I was interviewed on TV. The Host is african American. He also in charge of a youth offender program. The person counsels at rick youth mostly black youth. The brother read my book and had nothing but positive things to say. A youth pastor is involved with him and asked him to use the book for his program, and he is stalling and won't suggest the book for the program. Now in my mind, I'd call that not empowering one another. If a brother wrote a good book that's helping people why wouldn't you suggest it. Any thoughts. Maybe I'm missing something.
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3/28/2006 20:44 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
ecjr23
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That doesn't sound too supportive to me??

But I understand what you mean about enpowering one another. We need to make a lot of changes as a race.
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If I could have convinced more slaves that they were slaves, I could have freed thousands more. - Harriet Tubman
4/26/2006 20:09 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
DaBigMotor
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VickanS wrote:
If there is one thing black men can learn from black women, it is the bond that some sistas share with other sistas where they empower, help, and support one another. I don't see this enough with black men.

How many grown men talk to another man when he is having relationship problems?

How many intelligent grown men go out and seek friendships with equally intelligent men, without feeling like you are stepping across boundaries?

Brothas sometimes act like (this is probably more ego than anything) they can't open up to another man, or communicate like I see our sistas doing. Don't get me wrong though. Black women can scratch and scowl at each other with the best of them... (that's another thread!) ... but when you have two sistas who care about each other, support each other and depend on each other, that is a strong bond that seems unbreakable sometimes.

Why don't black men treat each other the same way... without thinking somebody's gay, or somebody's trying to take what I got???
It can be so difficult for us as men, because we've been socialized to believe that if emotionality isn't gay, then TOO MUCH OF IT is. Women want us to show our feelings, and even argue with them from time to time...but if we argue/protest TOO much, then we're "whining," or "punkish," or need to "man up."

And have our women caused us to be so self conscious of this that we're afraid to openly emote?? All this talk of men on the DL has us ALL guilty until proven innocent. I can assure you, there is N O T H I N G gay about me, (never has been, never will be) but I had the woman that I LOVE question my sexuality because of how I posed on a photo, (mind you, a photo that I took JUST for her...somehng about "real men" not putting their finger up to their temple like that...think the photo of Malcom X with his finger to his temple...except he's looking down with his eyes closed and a smile on his face...what was wrong with that???) or because of the fact that I signed her purple Mothers' Day card in purple. (she told me that purple is her favorite color...) I was told that no "real man" would "ever" write a card to a woman in purple! Hell, I thought I was being ROMANTIC! I was told that "no grown woman wants a man writing to her in purple."

How can we as men feel free to be open in this kind of way with each other, when we have to fight archaic and stereotypical notions of masculinity thrown at us by WOMEN??



5/29/2006 18:57 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
VickanS
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Quote:
I had the woman that I LOVE question my sexuality because of how I posed on a photo.


Man...I can't tell you how many times silly stuff like that has happened to me. I've had women ask me if I was gay because I didn't want to jump into bed with them right away. I've also had women ask me if I was gay because of the words I sometimes choose. How can words be considered masculine or feminine? (Well, most languages have masc. and fem. based words, but not in that context!)

Even though I feel that men should be more open, it is sometimes hard when society bashes you for doing it.
6/2/2006 07:49 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
DaBigMotor
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And here's the thing...a REAL f@g can look at stuff like that and say, "all I gotta do is not write in the wrong color, or not do any of the things that she has predisposed as unmasculine, and she'll never know the difference!" Women who think like this are probably the ones who end up with them DL brothas!

And they always whine about double standards...there is certainly a double standard in regards to this issue, I mean, WHEN is it ever appropriate for us to question THEIR sexuality/femininity? If they curse too much, or can drive too good, or know too much about the game, or write too sloppy, or can't do all the things that their mothers did, and STILL be modern women, do they need to "woman up?" Are THEY "suspect?"

And how is your sexuality subject to what someone else thinks? So were're only men if they say/think so? No one can love us black men more, yet no one can emasculate us more, than black women.
6/2/2006 13:34 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
willie6
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This might sound kinda silly but i can remember when i was younger and started driving. The first few years i would turn down my radio whenever i pulled up next to another car (I lived in the Dirty South then!). I used to do that because i didn't want other people looking at me strange because of the type of music i listend to. Sometimes it was rap other times it was pop.

To make a long story short i soon realized that i shouldn't be worried about what other people think when they see how i behave. Its none of their business. Plus material things or how a man looks, walks, talks, behaves, shouldn't categorize him no way.

But thats true... women dont ever expect to be questioned about their sexuality and i guess its because everybody expects women to be feminine. Then they start drinking like fishes and cussing like sailors and still want us to look at them the same way.
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6/5/2006 04:38 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
BIG DADDY
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I guess they all answered the question for you. It is hard for men to do as women do because how we are perceived...that's it.

I have 2 partners that I have been close to since High School. One is like a brother to me and we share the things that you talked about and the other...we aren't that close becaue he lives across the country...but these are two that I grew up with.
I say that to say...it takes men more time to get close to another man than woman to get close to other women.

Just my opinion.
6/8/2006 08:38 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
rodrice
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I do have that relationship with some of my fellow brothas. Most are family members who I speak with about life, whats going on in the world, relationships and so on. I do notice what you are talking about, it is hard for us black men to stay gangster and be gentleman not just to women but to men as well. WE need to be more supportive to each other so we can progress together.

Malcolm X once stated, “No matter how much respect, no matter how much recognition, whites show towards me, as far as I’m concerned, as long as it is not shown to every one of our people in this country, it doesn’t exist for me.” These words show the power of a great black leader, but most importantly exhibit his love for the Black race.
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All about the progress of the Afikan Race
6/29/2006 11:40 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
noon
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sometimes it gets to be too much
8/24/2007 19:01 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
doneit
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Once again I am forced to address POWER. We as blacks don't know squat about POWER. There are two bibles, King James and The Prince. While we were fed King James to become docile, turn the other cheek and pie in the sky by and by, white society has kept us ignorant of the other bible, The Prince.

It is from The Prince that Malcolm X used to make the statement, "by any means necessary." This is a paraphrase from The Prince, "sleep with the devil if necessary" It is The Prince by which every politician, president, king, dictator or monarch uses to GAIN POWER, MAINTAIN POWER and KEEP POWER.

Most people think William Lynch taught slave owners how to dominate and control slaves but, Lynch couldn't do that in a 15 minute speech. It is The Prince that teaches one group of people how to control another group of people.

It is the Prince that teaches a politician to promise the masses anything to get elected, then after elected do as he please. It is the Prince that tells the president when elected remove all the old cabinet positions and put your own friends in office. It was the Prince that tells one nation how to invade another nation (IRAQ, KILL SADDAM, HIS SONS AND ALL IN POWER) so if the people revolt, they can not go back to the old regime.

It is the Prince that all nations and institutions used to govern and rule by. It is the Prince which deal with POWER. It not until we learn the rules of the game can we play the game. Y'all be surprised what us black folks don't know.
8/1/2009 16:38 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
Forum Start > Culture & Lifestyle > The Men's Room > Empowering One Another

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