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Forum Start > Relationships > Couples And Marriage > "Marriage is for White People"
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hmurchison
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"Marriage is for White People"

You won't believe this story.

grew up in a time when two-parent families were still the norm, in both black and white America. Then, as an adult, I saw divorce become more commonplace, then almost a rite of passage. Today it would appear that many -- particularly in the black community -- have dispensed with marriage altogether.

But as a black woman, I have witnessed the outrage of girlfriends when the ex failed to show up for his weekend with the kids, and I've seen the disappointment of children who missed having a dad around. Having enjoyed a close relationship with my own father, I made a conscious decision that I wanted a husband, not a live-in boyfriend and not a "baby's daddy," when it came my time to mate and marry.

My time never came.

For years, I wondered why not. And then some 12-year-olds enlightened me.

"Marriage is for white people."

That's what one of my students told me some years back when I taught a career exploration class for sixth-graders at an elementary school in Southeast Washington. I was pleasantly surprised when the boys in the class stated that being a good father was a very important goal to them, more meaningful than making money or having a fancy title.

"That's wonderful!" I told my class. "I think I'll invite some couples in to talk about being married and rearing children."

"Oh, no," objected one student. "We're not interested in the part about marriage. Only about how to be good fathers."

And that's when the other boy chimed in, speaking as if the words left a nasty taste in his mouth: "Marriage is for white people."




There's more to the story but it's evident that we are failing our kids in a huge way.
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3/31/2006 16:39 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
trek
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Book will answers some concerns.
That's pretty sad. I don't know if a female student or a male student made that comment, but it appears that although I wrote a book, False Roads To Manhoond, What Women Need To Know; What Men Need To Understand, the marriage principle still is being misunderstood. No wonder the Bible says for my people are destroyed for a lack of knowledge. It's probable befitting to say another title for a book could be False Roads To Womanhood, What a Women lacks and What a Man Needs to do. All of those childred should probably read my book before they make the wrong turn on a False Road that nothing but a falsehood.

:/
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4/1/2006 15:23 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
hmurchison
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I would have liked it if the teacher was able to delve a bit deeper into why the boys felt this way. I think any child that grows up with two parents in the same house sees their future following a similar path.
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4/1/2006 20:08 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
VickanS
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Interesting. But the stats don't lie and neither do our eyes. We can see it in our communities all the time. How many young black couples do we see out there?

I'm not saying there are a whole bunch of young white couples, cause they are probably having problems too! But for sistas and brothas, it doesn't seem that anybody plans marriages anymore.

If those boys grew up in a single-mother home and only saw their white classmates with fathers, I could see how they would make a statement like that.
4/3/2006 18:56 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
hmurchison
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Wait til them young cats get a whiff of what it's like to pay

%100 of the rent
%100 of the bills
%100 of the food
%100 of the entertainment

Hey a relationship is not only a partnership of love it's a financial parternship as well. A 12 yr old simply cannot comprehend how tough and expensive life will be for them in 10-15 yrs. They have the "luxury" of making such statements now. I'm not mad at them. I probably said some silly things when I was 12 as well.
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4/3/2006 19:41 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
willie6
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Marriage is for any couple willing to work together and stay together.
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4/6/2006 17:52 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
tha_grouch
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hmurchison wrote:
Wait til them young cats get a whiff of what it's like to pay

%100 of the rent
%100 of the bills
%100 of the food
%100 of the entertainment

Hey a relationship is not only a partnership of love it's a financial parternship as well. A 12 yr old simply cannot comprehend how tough and expensive life will be for them in 10-15 yrs. They have the "luxury" of making such statements now. I'm not mad at them. I probably said some silly things when I was 12 as well.


Point taken, but while those who are so gung ho about marriage try to change these young cats minds...be sure to tell them what it's like to lose everything paying alimony and/or child support and be pushed out of their potential children's lives because the woman they chose to marry decided that she didnt want to be married anymore...and be sure to tell them about the bias of the family court system...and being that they are black AND male...that's 2 strikes against them already.
4/23/2008 19:00 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
doneit
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That's ashame but, children tend to imitate adults. We don't have anyone to blame but us. The little rat goes through the same hole as the big rat.

From the mouths of babes.

8/16/2009 03:51 Link - Ip: Logged - Quote:
Forum Start > Relationships > Couples And Marriage > "Marriage is for White People"

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