Am I too demanding/critical?
hi all, i really need some feedback from some brothas! I just finished reading this article 10 Mistakes Men Make in Relationships (http://www.mybrotha.com/top-ten-mistakes2.asp)
If you are not exactly where you want to be in your life (financially, academically, or spiritually) -- it's okay. Women tend to focus more on the future, so you shouldn't worry about having the world in your palm when you first meet.
Over time, most women will expect to see some progress and eventually some results. Try not to sit idle as life passes you by. Even if you're not the biggest fish in the pond, being tenacious and goal-oriented is all any woman could ask for. If she's asking for more, you might want to reconsider who you're with.
My question is, how do I know when your asking for too much from your man? And how do I know when he's just not trying hard enough? And when he's not, but he thinks he is... is he lying to me or is he just blind to the reality of the his efforts or his need to change his approach? And most of all how do can we fix it?
The nuts and bolts of it are, me and my man of 2 1/2 have never really planned or budgeted together. BUT make no mistake I've always been trying to get it to be a group effort! I am and always have been the breadwinner and he's been unemployed for the majority of our relationship. He's always looking for a job and really trying but when he does land something he only wants to work part-time and still won't sit down with me and budget. The last time he had a job, I was eager to talk about making a house budget where we fairly shared the bills and responsibilities of the home. But he argued that I was being too fast and should just wait awhile for him to actually get some checks so he could see how much he was regularly bringing home. I got off his back and he never come to me with a dime or asking to finally talk about our budget. Then after about 4 months he got fired.
I pay for all our house bills and that's not what I expected for our relationship. Sure I make enough to pay for everything but I have other bills too and am really check to check since he's not helping out. I also have to stay on him about keeping the house clean, which is he agreed to take on while we wasn't working but he doesn't ever make dinner when I ask and our QT is lacking since he spends time "looking for work" even in the evenings, looking on myspace, having people over, and/or working on his poetry.
I was off from work for like 5 days for the holidays and just stayed at home and he spends some time online in the mornings but then thru the day he has people over, offers to help neighbors paint and crap like that, and spends time on the phone. HE hasn't even cleaned up since he's been out of work (about 9 weeks) because I've been nagging him and all.
But that's why in my mind he's always out of work because he doesn't look everywhere just craigslist and when he does get a job he only works like 22 hours a week. I know he could try harder cause I've dated other guys and them working has never been a problem.
Anyways, so I've asked him to move out. He's now going to live with a friend and his family. I really want this time apart so I can focus on my goals and such without thinking critically of him and want for him to be in a different environment where he doesn't feel my critical eye so I can see what he makes of himself.
I do love him but I think love is also about making sacrifices and comprise for the happiness of all not just one of us. Is it too much to expect?