Making A Healthy Relationship
By Mybrotha.COM Relationship Editor

Throughout the course of our lives, we may be involved in several types of relationships including friendships, romantic involvements, family bonds, mentor/student connections, and work-related acquaintences. Many of these relationships have commonalities and each one of them has the capacity to positively or negatively influence our lives.

Bonds that inspire and enrich us, encourage our well-being, and help support our sense of self-worth are considered healthy relationships. Other connections we have may create discomfort, increase stress levels, and be detrimental to our mental and physical health. These are regarded as unhealthy relationships.

Whether a bond is healthy or unhealthy often depends on our willingness to nurture it and our capability to determine whether or not it is hurting us or helping us. During healthy realtionships, we often learn to compromise and avoid unnecessary frustrations. Unhealthy relationships may involve criticisms, ridicule, and verbal or physical abuse.

For many couples, especially young Black couples who are new to idea of sharing their time, energy and space with each another -- the relationship proving grounds are often difficult to navigate and may involve numerous obstacles. However, many relationship problems can be reformed with communication, a willingness to support a healthy connection, and by recognizing whether the relationship is good for you, or bad for you.

Here are a few observations to help identify healthy and unhealthy relationships.

Healthy relationships:

• Consist of two or more persons who support one another
• Maintain a high level of respect for person, property, and ideas
• Have open and clear communication
• Are non-violent, emotionally and physically
• Maintain a level of trust and privacy
• Encourage growth both inside and outside of the bond

Unhealthy relationships:

• May be emotionally or physically abusive
• Lack respect for privacy
• May involve ridicule, criticisms, and jealousy
• May negatively impact either persons self-esteem
• Cause emotional tension, stress, discomfort, and sadness
• Often include dishonesty, a lack of trust, threats, and intimidation

When you are determined to transition an unhealthy relationship into a healthy one, consider the following questions:

1. Is there a significant or stressful situation that could be directly contributing to your negative interactions?
2. Are there problems in your workplace that influence your moods at home?
3. Can workplace issues be resolved by changing locales or speaking with supervisors?
4. Is your relationship filled with too much focus on each other's past problems?
5. Does either person have mental, physical, or health-related difficulties that cause a strain between you?
6. What are some of the things that may be bothering you, and what would you like to see improved?

Take time to discuss these questions with each other. It's not always easy to determine whether an unhealthy relationship should be severed, or given a boost. The question becomes even more difficult when the relationship involves relatives, or signicant others where years of investment are at stake.

Bear in mind that any relationship which is emotionally, physically, or sexually abusive towards you or your loved ones -- is unhealthy.

For more information about unhealthy relationships, or to seek counseling support:

National Association of Social Workers, Inc. (NASW)
(Provides referrals to social workers and services)
www.naswdc.org
(202) 408-8600

If you need help with physical abuse, or know someone who needs help, contact:

24-hour National Domestic Violence Hotline (7 days a week; Will translate into over 140 languages)
www.ndvh.org
(800) 799-SAFE (7233)
TTY: (800) 787-3224