I'm Desperate To Get My Girl Back

Question from Chris:

I come to you a broken man and I am clueless as to what to do.

My girl and I started having issues about 4 months ago and now we've broken up. We were together for 1 year. Her main argument was that I was always working and never spent time with her. She also complained that I didn't understand her aspirations or support or goals, and that we didn't have as much in common as she initially thought. After we spent our first 2 months together, she told me that her sister and mother "got a bad vibe about me" (whatever that means).

But I feel like I have been so true to this woman. Every moment I get while at work, I take time to call and see how she's doing. If I don't have time to talk, I leave a text-message. I didn't slack off on the romantics either and still brought flowers on occasion. I even took a cash advance from my credit card (which topped it out) and paid for her last semester at school.

I sometimes work 6 days a week in 12-hour shifts, so I know I could do better on the time thing. But I have to work and I thought she understood that. About a month ago, I finally had to break down and tell her the reason I was working so many hours. I've been trying to save money for a house, and for a wedding. But it's almost like she wasn't phased by that.

She came to my apartment three weeks ago and told me that she's unfulfilled, and that we should separate. She mentioned school and her dreams of becoming a biologist, and said that she needed more support from someone who cares. She then tells me that she thinks we need time and space to figure out where we're going.

I've tried calling her a bunch of times, but she doesn't answer. I sent a text-message and she answered it two days later saying she's been busy with school and didn't have time to talk. But a buddy told me he's seen her at a local club twice in the past two weekends.

People keep telling me to just leave her alone and if it's meant to work, she'll come back. But I feel like I have to let her know how sincere I am. I'm starting to lose focus at my job and the stress is really getting to me. I feel so sad these days and I'm not sure what else to do.

Just wondering if you have any words of wisdom on how I can win her back?

-- Heartbroken Chris

The Brothas Response:

First -- we're sorry about your breakup and the heartache you're experiencing. We've all been there and know how tough it can be. But you have to do something for us ...

... try to stop stressing about it, and quit chasing this chick.

Those are some rough words, but we're not here to hold your hand. Our job is to straighten you up, and to help you realize your self-worth as an intelligent, successful man who doesn't need to be torn down by an unappreciative woman.

From what you've said, it's sounds like you put forth a quality effort to maintain your relationship when you two were together. You were a hard worker who was intent on making a home for the future; you often made phone calls to let her know you were thinking about her; you tried to spend time with her when you weren't on the job; and you even helped her in a financial situation. If she's too dense to recognize a strong, dedicated brotha -- then you're better off letting her follow the beat of her own drum.

We're not saying things are completely finished between you two, but the ball is in her court. She's the one that has to make a decision about the future of your relationship. You've done all you can do.

Now -- this next statement will probably sound like we're losing our minds, but one thing you absolutely cannot do when a woman walks away ---- is chase her.

» Read the rest of The Brothas response -- What Chris Should Do