The Trials of An Independent Black Woman
By Mybrotha.COM Staff Writer

Men Need To Be Needed
Probably one of the most significant statements women can learn about men. This comment revisits the traditional socialization of males, where it is common for men to feel more comfortable when called upon to perform familiar tasks and play familiar roles. When a woman is able to do those tasks and play those roles herself, a man may feel like an outsider looking in.

This concept is often misunderstood since most men find excessively needy women, a turn-off. There is a rhythmic balance between appreciating a man for the things he can do, and occasionally calling upon him to do them - as opposed to requiring him to constantly cater to a woman's every need. The problems arise when women require nothing, but men naturally expect to give something.

High Expectations
Most independent, successful Black women have high expectations when seeking men, and rightfully so. A lot of energy is required and expended when striving for goals, and women wish to have someone who is equally yoked financially, professionally, and spiritually. This is not only fair, but expected - since most women will not tolerate supporting a man who hasn't matured, or one who is slow in bringing his share to the table.

The detachment between men and women with this concept, arises when a man may not feel strong enough, or accomplished enough, to compete. Being cultured to take on leadership roles, to be in control, and to provide for family - men often feel uncomfortable when their counterparts command higher salaries, or can adequately provide for themselves without help.

This doesn't mean that a woman should refrain from pursuing lofty goals in order to find and keep a man. Part of the balancing act is finding a strong male companion whose maturity and character allows him to accept the woman as an inspiration - instead of seeing her as a threat.

Fixing It
We wish there was a quick-fix, but unfortunately there isn't.

For men, it is crucial to understand that a woman who is highly independent, seemingly needing nothing, actually desires and needs a lot. She doesn't need money, a vehicle, or someone to mow the grass (although she probably wouldn't mind if you volunteered every now and then) - but wishes to have those things she cannot provide for herself - love, respect, adoration, kindness, and companionship.

For women, it is very important to understand and appreciate the natural instincts of men. These human characteristics have been ingrained in men since the days of cave men, who were burdened with hunting, braving the harsh elements, and providing for family. Not only was cave-guy expected to do it, but he enjoyed doing it. Taking care of his family gave a sense of accomplishment, which is one of the greatest achievements a man can experience.

All of this cave talk may sound simplistic, but its significance makes up the core reasons why men have problems accepting powerful women.

Bringing It All Together
In the grand scheme of things, the problems experienced by the independent Black woman lies within the sociological division of work and labor. Men want to be providers, but many women have already provided for themselves. Men seek to supply the answers, while some women have already solved the problems.

The key here - is balance. Both Black men and women must learn to adapt to life's changing roles for both genders. When women are shouting out the fact that they are "independent women", they are essentially telling men, "I don't need anyone in my life to be happy." -- which doesn't translate to, "I wish to be alone."