How Do You Know If She's Available?
This question comes from a young man who wants to know how he can tell if a woman is available.
Question from Derrick:
What's up my brothas ...
Let me begin by saying that I enjoy the site (Mybrotha.COM), especially the open and direct articles on relationships! There aren't a lot of places where men can receive encouraging and informative advice from other men on life and love.
Now, for my question:
I am not a shy guy, and consider myself to be very open. But I've had my eye on a very attractive sista (Belinda) who I met at a July 4th party in 2006. There was just something about her that made me want to learn more, and possibly pursue more. She was funny, outgoing, and we had a few good conversations that night.
We ran into each other months later at a restaurant ... (she was with a girlfriend, and I was with the guys from my job) ..., and again in December at a Christmas party... (Yes, I live in a small city!)
Anyway, we exchanged email addresses and even chat via IM on occasion. Through all of it, this girl has never revealed if she has a boyfriend or not. During the conversations I've had with her (phone and email), we've both done a bit of flirting.
I have a co-worker who's sister works in the same office as Belinda, and she says she's seen Belinda go out with a few different guys and with one particular guy a few times.
I know I could just ask her if she's with somebody, but for my own curiousity - how could I tell if a woman is available when she flirts and is friendly, but never mentions her significant other?
The Brothas Response:
Thank you for the nice words about Mybrotha.COM. Our goal is to continue empowering and supporting men. Your question is common and there are a few ways you can tell if a woman is attached. More importantly, you can determine if she's single, or with someone she's willing to get rid of.
Many times when you meet a woman in a casual setting such as the workplace or at a social gathering, it's not always easy to determine whether or not she's available. Aside from asking her straight out ... (which is a very good method for getting the answer, by the way) -- listen carefully to what she says and what topics she openly responds to.
Granted, we're assuming that you've already taken a peek at her left hand and didn't see a ring? If she's already married, then shame on you for not noticing. Check the hand and your questions may already be answered.
If there is no engagement or wedding ring present, then make sure you're listening carefully to her opinions when you talk, or when reading her emails. Men and women tend to chit-chat about a variety of things when they don't know each other. Things like colleges attended, jobs, family background, current and past relationships, and simple likes and dislikes.
Women occasionally fail to mention current relationships because they may not want you to know about them. This further implies that her interest in you may be more than just being email buddies. A lot of women are in the - "I have a man around, but I'm always looking for a better one." - mode. So even though they may eventually get around to mentioning their significant other, they may also wish to relay a message that they're still fair game.
On the opposite end, some women are quick to inform you of their attachments, which says that their interest in you is probably zero to nil. This may be accomplished in subtle ways during conversations, or with a blatant message. Even though most women enjoy attention of men, it's almost natural for them to defend another man's territory -- especially when they feel you're really pouring on the charm.
When all else fails, just come right out and ask her.
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