Marriage... and the Hard Work of Consistency
By Jonathan Pope

(Mybrotha.COM) - I respectfully disagree with the notion from those who say that marriage is EASY. I prefer to frankly describe marriage as... well, HARD! However, marriage, being "hard" does not equate to it being "bad" or "dysfunctional". Maybe the institution of marriage is based on prehistoric concepts and expectations? Maybe, here in the 21st century, there is a need for new negotiations, ideologies and concepts of marriage and what it means? I’m not in a position to answer those questions, but I sometimes wonder. Here is the naked truth; two people come together, who maybe have different prior journeys in life, individual experiences and firm expectations from examples or lack thereof; in addition to maturing and evolving each day. All of these equations are present while trying to co-exist in holy and joyful matrimony with each other. Oh, and you're raising kids too!

Let me be clear, the main point is consistency. Show me a relationship where a couple is ALWAYS communicating; ALWAYS romantic; ALWAYS loving; ALWAYS understanding, ALWAYS forgiving and I would expect you to direct me to a TV Land episode of ‘The Cosby Show". I'm sure you would agree that Cliff and Claire had a special something, something, when it came to their televised marriage. Don’t get me wrong; I loved their relationship. However, as we continue to praise that show for its positive messages and excellent family example for African Americans, it still presented a false sense of marriage consistency. Two people having highly demanding jobs and three "live in" kids. Hmmm...

I digress.

Although consistency is hard work in a marriage, I stand firm in my belief that it is still WORTH the struggle for perfection. You and your spouse need to take daily steps in making things work. Be creative and come up with some different ideas about what you can do as a couple, things that make it easier to be consistent. Physically spending time together can be more healing and effective than you think, so have fun with it.

I appreciate the hard work my wife puts in our marriage everyday and it would be unfair to place a "Claire" expectation on her even though she, to my satisfaction, comes extremely close. I still love being married after fifteen years, which makes the peaks and valleys of our humble beginnings seem like the solid foundation of a lifelong pursuit of understanding, love, communication, passion, forgiveness and yes, CONSISTENCY!