A Message for Fathers

About a year ago, I was watching a reality show based on prison life. Inmate after inmate interviewed admitted to growing up without a father and missing the experience of having a father. I’ve heard grown women admit that not having a father in their lives had an impact on the types of men they chose to be in their lives. Abusive, lazy men who wanted to be taken care of, and men unable to be involved in a committed relationship. So men, do you see the importance of our role as fathers?

Society and the family court system will have fathers believe that their primary level of importance as a parent is a financial one. Look at the above paragraph and where do you see anything about money? I, however, am not underscoring the importance of child support, but we have to get back to allowing these men to practice fatherhood. The practice of fatherhood is; through consistent involvement the child is the recipient of a man’s positive characteristics, teaching, and love. The “drama” is the main obstacle to not allowing these men to accomplish that goal. For the drama is responsible for parental alienation and violating visitation orders which results in men losing more time with their fathers. In spite of it all; fathers you can close the curtain on your personal drama.

The process begins with first determining you will never give up fighting to be involved in your children’s lives. You must do this because once you begin to navigate the family court system, your patience and endurance will be challenged. Why? The family court system does not see men as equals to mothers and history has shown repeatedly over time that whenever a system does not treat people as equals, dysfunctions will show. Men must educate and empower themselves with information pertaining to the family court system and the types of cases they become involved in. The more you know as a father will decrease the chance of being led around the nose for the next eighteen years and your child being used as a pawn. I closed the curtain on the drama by empowering myself legally, being consistent with my visitations, constantly verbalizing my love for my daughter to build her self-esteem and emotional security. I closed the curtain on the drama by praying and placing the ‘drama” in God’s hands. Now, I have custod y of my daughter and I no longer have to fight anymore. We must put in the work because if you look around and see where our young people are going it is a sad thing to observe. So, fathers I am imploring you not to give up because this problem has an answer and all is definitely not lost. Here are my keys to closing the curtain on the drama:

• Prayer - There is no way you can get through the drama without a higher power to lead, guide and protect you.
• Patience - The family court system is not McDonald’s-you will have to probably go to court more than once in order to accomplish your goal.
• Persistence - Anything worth having will be a fight-only those who persist win the gold!
• Persevere - In the words of Frederick Douglas; "If there is no struggle there is no progress."
• Positive Outlook - Believe things will get better and when you do, you will see it will get better!

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