My Date Thinks I'm Gay

Question from Eddie:

I have a question that's about dating, but it's also about how women view men. Here goes:

I met a beautiful Black woman through an online dating site. Things were going well the first few days, but we slowly started discovering things about each other that completely destroyed our compatibility.

After about three weeks, I told her that I didn't feel we had much in common and didn't care to go out anymore. She got angry and said her belief was that we were doing okay. She then asked me if I was gay!

She said her initial instincts told her that I wasn't as macho as most men, and that she should've listened to her own inner-voice.

For the record, I'm not gay, but what makes a woman think this? Is she just bitter because I didn't want to date?

-- Eddie

The Brothas Response:

It most certainly can be a sign of bitterness when a woman makes this type of statement.

If you ask women, they will tell you that they can spot a gay man 10 miles away. But their detection techniques are based on the same ones men use to spot homosexual guys ... (i.e. mannerisms, voice tone, style and fashion, etc.). In other words, women possess no special perceptors that tell them if a man is gay. So it appears that her inquiry is being driven by some other motivation.

Her question is likely a sign of her own self-perception than anything else. A lot of women find it difficult to pinpoint reasons why a man wouldn't desire them, neglecting the fact that many men actually look for compatibility and not just physical beauty. These women -- some of whom have healthy egos -- feel that any man should be happy to have them.

Unfortunately, a lot of sistas don't understand that every brotha can't be attracted to them. All men are different and what makes one man go ga-ga, doesn't necessarily make all men react that way. Women who feel they are smart, sexy, irresistable beings -- can find no reasons why a man shouldn't think the same. Any man who doesn't must be either blind, or gay.

Of course this doesn't mean she's unattractive and it surely doesn't mean you're gay.

She'll get over it.

Signed,