Waking Up From The Fairytales And Fantasies
By Mybrotha.COM Staff Writer

Face it guys. Relationships are tough. Anyone who tells you otherwise is either mentally deranged, or has never been in a significant relationship. Many of our relationships with Black women suffer grave consequences due to a wide variety of reasons. However, a number of sociological studies show that most of those reasons have to do with one specific topic: expectations.

Both men and women enter relationships with wants and needs. It's usually good practice to start discussing those wants and needs after a significant number of dates. We all know that women have a lot of wants and needs. (I'm sure I'll pay dearly for that comment!) But for us guys, it is important to be open, honest, and clear about our intentions. Women can be uncomfortable when they don't know what we want from them, or when they're unsure about their future with us. So we need to let them know where we're coming from.

But what about where she's coming from?

Forget about what you see in videos, movies, shows, and at the clubs. Those venues are filled with fluff, bright lights, false imagery and result in short-lived entertainment.

We want you to begin concentrating on what happens in real, live, breathing, relationships. This means clearing all of those fantasies out of your head. It means forgetting about magically falling into a million dollar home, nightly pool parties, and the finest video chicks begging you for a spot in your latest gig.

It also means focusing on the circumstances that are far from fantasy, and more closer to reality.

Women Have Problems
Sorry for tossing that at you without warning, but it's true. Most women you meet in the dating world will have some sort of emotional, mental, or material baggage packed away in their life's closets. You won't discover them all during the first few dates, but be assured that they're there. Everything from bills, to ex's (the life she had before you), to families, and jobs, to friends, the past, and other personal living conditions.

This doesn't mean that your new task in life is to help solve all of her problems. That's not your responsibility. But you need to be more cognizant of where a woman is in her life, and how you could possibly fit into her long-term plans.

Women Really Do Want Everything
Ouch! That was a sharp blow to the left kidney.

But again, this real life fact will become more obvious when you start to seriously consider a woman as a mate, and not as some sexy fantasy you only deal with when you want to.

A woman can't be categorized as mean-spirited or hypocritical because she has such high expectations. This is especially true if she's bringing the same things (or more) to the table.

Consider this:

• Women don't like to lead. As a result, they usually look for men who are leaders
• Women hate making decisions, so they tend to seek out those men who are decisive, but not over-bearing
• Women want sex. Just as much, if not more so, than men. You don't have to bump and grind everyday, but once a year won't cut it
• Women need security and stability, and probably won't stick around too long without it
• Women need honesty and integrity. For some reason, this one makes a lot of sense!

Obviously, this list could go on forever, but you get the picture.

When you hear a woman say she wants a loving, caring, smart, attentive, sensitive, financially stable, secure, sexy, humorous man who likes to talk, and is gentle, rugged, decisive, open, honest, clean, and goal-oriented.... she's telling the truth.

Since you now know that relationships take nurturing and hard work, what does it all mean?