Online Magazine For Black Men

Wife Doesn't Want to Role Play

The bedroom can become a cold spot sometimes. Is there any way to turn the flames back up when one person refuses the spark?

Question from Paul:

Our sexual relationship has become boring and predictable over the years. I still love my wife and find her attractive, but I have suggested role-playing to add a little fire to the bedroom. She doesn't want to and says it makes her feel awkward.

-- Paul

The Brothas Response:

Thanks for the question Paul. We get this one a lot!

Role playing can be extremely exciting for couples who have reached a plateau in their sexual relationship. Even when you think you've tried every position or scenario, there is always room for new ideas. But this doesn't mean our wives will be up to it.

Women may be hesitant about role-playing for several reasons. A woman may feel that role-playing is "trashy", or demeaning -- especially if you're asking her to take huge steps out of her comfort zone. She may feel her husband is suggesting role-playing because he fantasizes about other women. If she thinks her partner is no longer turned on by her, she may be uncomfortable slipping into that french maid outfit.

If your wife has problems adjusting to roles, be sure to communicate exactly what you're looking for. Role playing doesn't have to involve you imagining you're with someone else and it shouldn't require her to hate the role she's playing. It could be something as simple as you pretending to be construction worker -- and she's the hot, office exec walking by on her way to work.

However - if she thinks your desire to role-play is due to her being inadequate or unsatisfactory in bed, she may be reluctant to entertain the idea. Maybe you could start with something mild that doesn't require a total change in her personality or appearance. She doesn't want to be embarrassed, so role-playing should be beneficial to both people.

Lots of people (both men and women) have sexual fantasies, but not everyone follows through with them. Ask your wife if she has anything she wants to try. Most women have ideas about techniques or actions that will increase their pleasure in the bedroom. You, as her husband, should be the perfect complement in helping her realize those desires.

Hopefully, you and your wife can find a mutually satisfying way to spice up your sex life. By no means should you ever make her feel guilty for being uncomfortable with role-playing. This may cause resentment and ultimately lead to her thinking sex is a chore she no longer wishes to participate in.


The Brothas

Sex & Sexual HealthRelationships
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