Online Magazine For Black Men

Wife Is Stuck On Celeb Guys

A question about lust and fascination of the digital kind.

Question from T:

I feel kind of silly asking this question. I know it exposes some of my own insecurities, but I'm going to ask anyway:

My wife keeps several pictures of actors, singers, and movie stars on her desk at work. She also keeps screensavers and wallpapers of them on her computer screen.

I noticed them one day while picking her up for lunch. I later got a closer look at the photos and they're all "pretty boys". She has one of Boris Kodjoe, the soccer guy (David Beckham), and some other dude I've never heard of.

Maybe I'm overreacting, but it doesn't feel good to know that she fantasizes about other men.

Does she wish I looked like them? Do you have any advice on how to deal with this?

-- T

The Brothas Response:

Dear T,

Although none of "The Brothas" are gay men -- Boris Kodjoe is a damn good-looking guy ! So is David Beckham. Surely you don't fault your wife for having an eye for these fellas?

(Okay ... that's beside the point) -- What matters is, you are feeling somewhat jealous and maybe a bit slighted since she's plastered pics of these men all over her desk and computer screen. Your hurt feelings are natural reactions for millions of men, and here are a few ways to deal with them.

First, do not demand that your wife remove the photos from her desk and computer. Be more constructive in your approach. Let her know that images of other men, and the fact that she chooses to worship them, makes you feel uncomfortable and unimportant. Even if you successfully force her to remove them -- she is still free to conjure up images of them in her mind at any time.

Also try to find out exactly what the photos mean to her. What does she like about these men? Is there something about a superstar lifestyle she wants to explore with you?

You should also look deeper into a possible root cause of your jealousy. Are you feeling ignored or neglected in other areas of your relationship? Have you had a history of insecurities that create jealous reactions?

Celebs are easy for us to fantasize about because we never see them mess up and they always seem to look fantastic. But your wife is no fool. She knows her chances of ever bumping into a studly celeb is like 1 in ... never.

Be assured that many folks idolize celebrities. But these fascinations hardly ever pose a threat to relationships or marriages -- unless one of you allows them to.


The Brothas

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