For those men, they often deserve every criticism, ridicule, and head-whip delivered to them. Immaturity and lack of self-discipline play key roles in how these types of men operate. Some are misogynistic and degrading, while others are lazy, predictable, and fit perfectly into the "dead-beat dad" crowd. Nevertheless, this type of unfavorable behavior does not embody all Black men. In fact, it doesn't even represent the majority.
I hardly ever read articles or commentary directing men to take inventory and re-evaluate the women in their lives. Are we not allowed to question the morals and habits of women we're in relationships with? Does a woman's beauty and sex appeal outweigh her intellect? Are we supposed to refrain from analyzing a woman's behavior and just be satisfied that she's allowing us into her space? These are hypothetical questions, but a lot of Black men have asked them before and it makes me wonder how destructive this line of thinking can be to the male psyche.
I'm not in the business of demonizing or destroying the character of Black women. But I believe that good men, especially African-American men, have subconsciously categorized themselves as "givers" and not "takers" when evaluating their roles in long-term relationships. Sure, there are plenty of men who take, take and take some more. But again, these types of men sadly belong in the category I described earlier.
I can tell you from experience that there is nothing more pitiful than watching a good man sniveling, crying and relentlessly pursuing an undeserving woman. Whether that woman deserves him or not is contingent on his ability to choose what's best for him, and his desire to develop spiritually and emotionally. If he walks by faith, he should seek a mate who does the same. If his convictions are derived from specific lifestyle and family values, he should pair himself with a woman who believes in the same values.
Those of us who consider ourselves good men should be making every effort to take "good women" to task by asking the same questions they often pose to us. Not for the purpose of evening out the playing field, but rather to gain a better understanding of them. After all, these are the same women who claim to desire "good men."
So what makes her a "good woman"? Is she good for you? Do you see her as a great mother and nurturer? Does she have a healthy sense of self-worth? Is she lazy, combative, dejected, or selfish? When you thumb through the book of life, are you both on the same page?
Let's take a look at some key factors that may help determine whether or not you're with a woman who's worth your time, or one who wastes your time:
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