Online Magazine For Black Men
Is She Worth It? 5 Ways to Tell

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  • Never Having to Say She's Sorry - If you hardly ever hear your partner say she's sorry (even when she should be saying it), it's probably because she doesn't think she needs to. Men are frequently viewed as the guilty parties responsible for messing up relationships. When we think about infidelity -- a man cheating on his wife comes to mind. When we think about irresponsible parenting, it evokes thoughts of absent fathers. Part of this mindset is driven by media and society, and many women buy into it. Even more ridiculous, is when women start to believe that this type of behavior is natural, or common to most men. Subsequently, some women fail to own up to their own misdeeds and never take responsibility for their negative actions.

    Note #1: Failure to accept responsibility when she should.

  • Walking Before Crawling - Several women have mentioned to me their desires to be with a man who has goals, aspirations, and dreams for success. However, these same women often fail to account for setbacks, missteps, and that other important life factor called -- "time." Being successful in life isn't always easy and building a strategy for success can be difficult. Instant gratification only works with men who are finished growing and no longer wish to better themselves. Those women who desire the entrepreneur, businessman, goal-setter, or professional-minded man, but aren't willing to stick around while he establishes himself -- are usually there for selfish reasons. When a woman doesn't support her man's dreams, she doesn't support him.

    Note #2: Being unsupportive of your goals.

  • Beauty, But Not Much More - Even though your woman may be cute, with a sexy smile, stylish shoes and a closet full of Burberry handbags -- her sexiness won't create a solid relationship. Psychologists say men look for sexy women because they always want to be attracted to their mates. If you're only looking for a pretty face, good luck with the consequences.
    Yes -- we all like beautiful women, but fashionable cuties come a dime a dozen. Men also need the substance found in confidants, caretakers, supporters, and friends. Anything less is nothing more than eye-candy for dinner parties. We need to make sure our sexy divas have brains underneath those $400 hairstyles.

    Note #3: Placing beauty and possessions before life, love, and family.

  • Room to Grow - No relationship is perfect and no woman is without faults. We must remember to give our partners the space to make mistakes and the leverage to grow as human beings. But there is a difference between making mistakes and being reckless. If you are with a woman who consistently makes bad choices, or who has a negative outlook on life - you must consider the possibility that she will always be this way. It is never your job to change a woman, or persecute her for the bad things she does. Any modifications to her character must be directed through her own spiritual channels. But that doesn't mean you have to suffer the growing pains. If her ability to mature is in question, your right to make a change is the answer.

    Note #4: Being careless and irresponsible.

  • Her Disrespect, Your Embarrassment - One of the most profound ways to measure a woman's worth to you, is to gauge the amount of respect she has for you. A partner who is quick to announce your faults, or speak with friends about your shortcomings, is treading on disrespectful ice. This includes the woman who uses derogatory names to describe you, curses you, or applies negative labels to your efforts and abilities. Most of us guys don't like being embarrassed, and it stings even worse when it's coming from someone who should be a supporter.

    Note #5: Personal attacks which may include name calling, ridicule, or gossip.
Now ... another quick note about determining a woman's worth to you.
(Yes, I said 5 notes, but this one is a bonus.)

Separating from our wives or partners is never the desired result. However, in an effort to build stronger relationships, African-American men have every right to be as discerning as women are when it comes to choosing the right partner.

Women have been taught the art of being discriminating and selective when choosing a mate and there is no reason why men shouldn't do the same.

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