Relationships » 7 Years and Still Not Married

7 Years and Still Not Married

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Tsk, tsk, tsk - Why women allow this, we will never know!

Question from Greg:

Been with the same woman for 7 years, but still haven't gotten married. Her family mentions it on occasion. Her friends mention it often. But she only mentions it every now and then. I know she thinks about it though.

It's not that I don't want to marry her, but what's the point of going through "signing a paper" when we are already committed to each other? I don't see anyone else, and neither does she. I make her feel good, she makes me feel good, and we get along okay. I bring money into the house and keep the bills paid. She's really good with taking care of the house, cleaning, cooking, etc.

It's a good arrangement and she's been here this long, so why is everyone so stuck on a piece of paper?

-- Greg

The Brothas Response:

Well, Greg -- it may only be a piece of paper to you, but not everyone shares your view. Marriage is a symbolic institution of love and commitment shared by two people who choose to be with each another. More importantly, biblical principles tell us that finding a woman and marriage is a good thing. So maybe there are other reasons why you're not walking down the aisle?

Your situation is sadly somewhat common for many Black men. Unfortunately for you, a lot of Black women have old-fashioned values when it comes to marriage. If they're giving up their minds and bodies, they expect a ring and some long-term commitments. Not only is it expected, it is also desired. Like many men, you sound reluctant to consummate one of life's most important bonds because of your own internal battles with commitment.

Aside from financial problems, relationship incompatibility, health issues, or long distances -- there really aren't many reasons to avoid marrying the woman you love. If there are, then your relationship is in need of some serious re-evaluation. Take some time to really think about why you have avoided marriage for so long. How would you feel if she suddenly stopped being the wonderful woman you've depended on for the past seven years?

Remember this - Black men should make a conscious effort not to waste a woman's time. If she's good enough to have sex with, go out to dinner with, clean your clothes, raise your kids, and cook your chicken pot pies -- she's good enough to marry. If you're not willing to make that commitment, she shouldn't be giving up the goods. But that's up to her and a woman will stay with you as long as she wants.

But if you want to get right with The Man Upstairs, do the doggone thing.


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