Relationships » Dealing With The Ex

Dealing With The Ex

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Everyone has a horror story about a crazy ex. Whether it's a year-long stalker tale that landed you both in the hospital, or a new found friendship that grew stronger. Dealing with ex's can not only affect your past relationships with them, but it can also effect current and future relationships.

Can you be friends with an ex?

This is an age old question with an answer specific to each individual. Of course you try to remain friends with an ex, but when you've shared love, lust and personal interaction, continuing a traditional friendship can be a challenge.

If you're really being true to yourself, take some inventory: "Are those old feelings really gone, or are they lying dormant, ready to burst into flames if stirred?"

If there is a possibility that the old flame still burns, then another question arises: "Have you reconsidered your current situation?"

Difficult questions. Yes.

But there will certainly be even more trouble to contend with if you don't answer those questions truthfully.

However, there are many occasions when love is lost, but the ex is someone who can remain a close, innocent friend. Perfectly healthy friendships are often comprised of two persons deciding that the romance road was full of rough travels, but a strong foundation for friendship still exists. In fact, parting couples who genuinely care for each other, often wish each other well in their pursuit of a more compatible love interest.

What about my current mate?

Another age old question, and one that has generated a lot of problems for many couples.

What you absolutely cannot do is demand that your mate severe ties with exes. This only makes sense if the ex is a true friend to your mate and wasn't the cause of undue heartache. It is unlikely that she will want to remain friends with someone who brought emptiness to her life.

While it is considered good relationship etiquette to tone down friendships with persons of the opposite sex, totally ignoring friends or exes isn't always necessary. Especially when both parties had good intentions and things just didn't work out.

Furthermore, your current lady comes first. You can't blame her being hurt if you spend most of your time entertaining an ex.

What about jealousy?

All relationships are unique. And while women aren't always comfortable sharing their mate with numerous female friends, they've learned to accept the notion that some exes do exist, and some may be friends.

Men, however, can have different interpretations. Guys usually see an uninterrupted friendship with an ex as a territorial issue. For good measure, think about this: If your current mate has an ex who didn't misuse, abuse, or disrespect her, and who currently keeps to himself, you probably have nothing to worry about.

Any man with healthy self-esteem should be able to understand that an ex is simply an ex. If you feel uncomfortable with your mate having an ex as a friend, it's probably just your ego getting the best of you. Try communicating with her about it. If trust is an issue, it's not the ex you should be worried about.

Even though keeping exes as friends can filled with questions and doubts, you never hesitate to put your mate above anyone else. Innocent friendships shouldn't have to be severed when you enter a relationship, but those friendships also shouldn't disrupt your current love.

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