This question comes from a guy who is being plagued by his partner's acting routines during sex. How should he handle it?
Question from Carl:
Thanks for answering my question. I'm sure you've been asked this a million times, but I'm curious:
The woman I've been dating for the past couple of months is great. We started having sex weeks ago and I noticed that she seems to exaggerate a bit when it comes to being pleasured. I guess what I'm saying is -- it seems like she's faking it.
I know women sometimes fake orgasms, but I don't know whether I should be upset with her over dramatization, or simply ignore it.
The Brothas Response:
Well Carl, you're right -- women do fake orgasms and they often do so to protect men's fragile egos. Women sometimes overestimate their acting abilities, not realizing they're sending a crystal clear message to the man. But men sometimes overestimate their perception of when a woman is faking, which frequently results in guys being more insecure than they probably should.
In your case, good old fashioned communication will ease most of your worrying. Is it likely that you and your partner didn't discuss your sexual desires and/or appetites before sliding under the sheets?
Consider these 3 observations:
Not all women know what they need or want in order to experience an orgasm. This is common and men won't always know how to stimulate their partners, and may have to resort to guessing. There isn't a lot you can do about it since it is her responsibility to know her own body and the pleasures it takes to arouse it.
It all goes back to the communication thing -- she needs to be the one who teaches you how to touch her and how to satisfy her ... (That is, of course, unless there's a one-size-fits-all book of instructions we don't know about).
Also keep in mind that women don't always seek orgasms during sex. Women often fake orgasms because they may not want to have one. Or, some women understand their bodies well enough to know that an orgasm isn't happening during that particular sexual experience.
Many men ... (and women who have never had their own orgasm), have false impressions of how a woman reacts when actually having an orgasm. Television and movies glamorize heated passion with lots of squeaks, squeals, grunts and even a little swearing. Though this can boost a man's ego beyond the stratosphere, it's no indication of what truly happens when a woman is having an orgasm.
We all find some sort of fantasy in being a man who arrives on the scene, gives her a taste of our magical love potion, and triumphantly creates a scene of erotic screams and moans while she begs for more.
Unfortunately -- this doesn't happen very often.
If a woman wants to have an orgasm and if it's possible to have it with you, she needs to communicate it and be as specific as she can about her needs... (if she knows her body). If you think she's faking, talk with her about her expectations. Find out what it takes to get her revved up -- which is different from woman to woman.
Also, try to have this conversation before your next sexual encounter and you may be surprised to hear what she really wants.
Despite what men think, women are responsible for taking control of their sexual pleasure and satisfaction. Once she gives you the keys for cranking up the pleasure, it's up to you to start the engine.