(CHICAGO, IL) -- Virtually everyone has had bad, intimate relationships. Despite our interest in bonding, we've all been burned at least once. But have we learned anything in the process? Lyn Lewis, PhD noted sociologist, professor and consultant wants us to decrease our anger and increase our discernment.
In Don't Hate the Player Learn the Game: How to Spot Ineligible Eligible Bachelors, Lewis provides descriptions of men who--in addition to having numerous identifying traits and strategies--we collectively call "players".
Who are these sometimes appealing but not-great choices? Armed with wit and wisdom, Lewis has organized abundant examples. Within two main categories of Truth Tellers (they show us who they are; we choose not to see them honestly) and Betrayers (they deceive us; optical accuracy is a challenge in getting to know them), Lewis provides subgroups.
Based on several years as a therapist and workshop facilitator, and in response to surveys given to men and women, it's clear the author has listened well and wants us to listen up, too. There are the Gravy Train Players, recipients of many a gift from the many who adore them. There are Basement Brats, in their '40s and '50s who don't want to grow up-why should they when their mamas are all too willing to let them remain, rent-free, exactly where they've been since childhood. In addition, there are the Gas and Go Players (quick with sex, extremely slow with maturity); the King Smorgasbord Players (the more fooling around, the merrier, they think); the As-Is Players (take them just the way you found them; they won't change); the Philophobic Players (as the suffix indicates, they are afraid, very afraid of love and commitment); and the Down Low Players (a term somewhat recently evolved, basically related to going more than one way but not being honest about it).
The field is varied and wide. Lewis takes the time needed to shine an informative, entertaining, and multifaceted spotlight.
While many readers will enjoy the no-holds-barred approach, Lewis's colorful language comes complete with citations from notable psychologists, sexologists and other scholars. Also, each chapter ends with surveys for men and women to take to reinforce their knowledge and perhaps do something productive with the lessons learned.
The reward for reading this highly recommended book exists in educating ourselves.