(Mybrotha.COM) - Through all of my years of dating, being married, and keeping a group of close female friends, I have yet to figure out why women still think men can read their minds. I know that sounds cliché, but hear me out.
This isn't a tutorial on mind-reading, or quick tips for how to get around communicating. Rather, it's a collection of observations (based on lots of research) that can help men and women find a happy balance between understanding, and being total clueless.
As far as we know, science hasn't figured out a way for humans to communicate telepathically. And the social and psychological differences between the sexes have been well-documented in medical journals. While both of these facts are clear, women still want more harmonious connections with their male counterparts. Women have always been better communicators, but they don't always tell their mates what they want. When these unmentioned desires are mixed with emotions and attitude, things can get interesting.
It's probably no surprise that men have a hard time understanding women. This has less to do with language, and everything to do with how men and women communicate. Men typically use communication to distinguish themselves, or to preserve independence. Women use conversations to moderate closeness and intimacy. While men rarely sit with their guy friends to talk about their feelings, women seldom spend time with their females friends without talking about their feelings.
So the interesting question is, can men become better at understanding the female mind? Is this even possible since men seemingly become more befuddled when women don't tell us what they want?
"You should already know," some women say. But sadly, most men don't.
Beyond having a secret decoder ring, or the ability to use mind-altering voice tones, men only have their "male-ness" to decipher women, and we're hardly ever good at it. When we're matched against the complexities of a woman's emotions, desires, and expectations, the ill-equipped man doesn't stand a chance. We get confused, we misinterpret things, and we sometimes apologize when we have no idea what the apology is for.
Though we dream of being with a woman who speaks her mind and says what she wants, we quickly learn that it really is just a dream. If we wait for a woman to reveal her desires, needs, and wants, we will probably be waiting for a long time. Here's why:
Men are simple. Most of us won't even take the time to thoroughly read a restaurant menu, so you can imagine how challenging the female psyche can be. To make matters even murkier, some women lack a strong sense of self-esteem, and others may fail to thoroughly explore their own desires. This makes it difficult for them to effectively tell men what they want.
As much as we hate to admit it, most men can't handle the truth. Still, we would rather deal with a bruised ego than play the guessing game.
Women may appear to want a lot, but the men who cherish those women want them to be happy. One of our most important goals, as men, is to support a wife and family. In order to be successful at it, our wives must be content and fulfilled. Though it may be a challenge to hear the truth and respond appropriately, men will react better to a woman who is more open and candid with her desires.
Guys will openly admit that the idea of a man who "gets it" is quite fascinating. We would love to take up residence in the minds of women and have all the answers. We would know their thoughts, what they want, and understand their intentions. Men like knowing stuff. We want to be the guy who knows a woman better than she knows herself.
This would be extremely rewarding for women too. When she's upset, he immediately knows what's wrong. When she's itching to try a new restaurant, he magically knows where to take her. This type of synergy comes with respect, openness, and longevity.
Both men and women should understand that our differences don't have to be a hinderance to effective communication. As men, we have to remember that most women aren't overly aggressive, and they certainly have a distaste for rejection. Being open puts all of us in a position to be rebuffed, and no woman wants that experience. Women, too, can observe that being more open will help men better understand their needs. Instead of offering hints or clues, women can provide suggestions, which should include their desires.
We all have different ways of communicating. Men often use communication to get results, and women communicate in order to connect. The sooner we realize the differences, the better we will be at bridging the gap between mind-reading and clarity.