Relationships » Why Black Women Can't Find Good Black Men

Why Black Women Can't Find Good Black Men

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It still amazes us to hear black women say that they can't find good, quality black men for companionship. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the ratio of women to men in the U.S. is about 145 million women to roughly 139 million men. In more manageable terms, for every 100 sistas, there are about 87 brothas.

Not too bad.

But if we ask those same sistas where to find good black men, there is a collective agreement that the best brothas are either hidden deep within those 87, or have somehow disappeared within the missing 13. If these men are not physically hidden or totally out of the relationship picture, where are they?

The answer is: they're right here. They're over there. They're everywhere.

These sentiments are spoken loudly by thousands of available black men who find it illogical to simply claim that "no good men exist." Black men in America don't understand the social reasoning behind this belief and to many of us, it's a fallacy. It almost seems as if black women have become so enthralled with the notion of a lack of quality men, that they fail to notice the black men who are available.

With so many women believing that there is an availability issue, and so many men experiencing total confusion, we have reached a point where we should attempt to explore the depths of the problem.

Women aren't looking for just any man and all women aren't looking for the same type of man. Most black women favor men who possess quality standards, good character, and personal responsibility.

It is believed that men are more logical creatures, and as such, we tend to take a more tangible position in this argument. We often believe that if they can hear us, touch us, and see us, how can they say there aren't enough of us?

If you ask a black woman about the numbers, she will concede that there are plenty of black men around, but not many with whom she would want to spend the rest of her life. And many women believe the shortage is due to specific reasons like the high number of black men in prison, and those who choose to date women of other races.

Going back to our 100-Women to 87-Men ratio, the following stats my shed some light on where black women believe the available black men are hiding:

White Women

Chances are, black men who desire white women today, desired them yesterday and will probably desire them for the foreseeable future. We cannot assume that a black man dates black women throughout his life, had a bad experience, and as a result, decided to explore life with a white female. If we make this assumption, black women have a verifiable argument against the theft of black men. But without making assumptions, black men who prefer other races were never available to black women anyway.

We're not hating on white women, but how much of the 87 should we subtract? Let's choose a medium-sized number like 20 to denote the total unavailable to black women.


Unfortunately, there are a lot of black men serving time in local, state and federal prisons. But women must ask themselves, "Why would I want a man who commits crimes serious enough to land him behind bars?"

Don't get me wrong; we still love our imprisoned brothas, and some of them have been incarcerated unjustly.

But this issue is relative and depends on each woman's definition of, "good brotha". If women desire men of integrity and great moral stability, then we should subtract another medium-sized number (20) from the group of 87. This accounts for the sad numbers of brothas who just aren't living right and don't deserve a spot in society.


Men who are homosexual, bisexual, or live outside of what society calls, "heterosexual," make up another medium-sized number since they don't typically seek relationships with straight women. Strangely enough, there are some bisexual men who desire to be with heterosexual women. However, most heterosexual women don't knowingly choose to date a bisexual man.

So again, we subtract (20) from the group of 87 to account for gay men, and other men who aren't considered "straight".

Now we have the Big Three. According to black women in America, these three situations create a wedge that has been driven between black women and the number of available "good" black men.

What does it mean?

It means that in reality, only 87 - 60 = 27 black men are actually "available" for the 100 black women we got from our Census statistics. (This, of course, is assuming that there are 100 available, good black women out there.)

If we assume there are, then the ratio reveals some pretty low numbers.

Now, the task for our sistas is to locate one of the 27 men who is considered, "good".

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