Face it guys. Relationships are tough. Anyone who tells you otherwise is either mentally deranged or has never been in a significant relationship. Many of our relationships with Black women suffer grave consequences due to a wide variety of reasons. However, a number of sociological studies show that most of those reasons have to do with one specific topic: expectations.
Both men and women enter relationships with wants and needs. It's usually good practice to start discussing those wants and needs after a significant number of dates. We all know that women have a lot of wants and needs. (I'm sure I'll pay dearly for that comment!) But for us guys, it is important to be open, honest, and clear about our intentions. Women can be uncomfortable when they don't know what we want from them, or when they're unsure about their future with us. So we need to let them know where we're coming from.
But what about where she's coming from?
Forget about what you see in videos, movies, shows, and at the clubs. Those venues are filled with fluff, bright lights, false imagery and result in short-lived entertainment.
We want you to begin concentrating on what happens in real, live, breathing, relationships. This means clearing all of those fantasies out of your head. It means forgetting about magically falling into a million dollar home, nightly pool parties, and the finest video chicks begging you for a spot in your latest gig.
It also means focusing on the circumstances that are far from fantasy, and more closer to reality.
Women Have Problems
Sorry for throwing that in your face without warning, but it's true. Some women are battling emotional pains and may have material baggage packed away in life's closets. Most of this harmless stuff from the past, but some of it can boil to the surface under the right conditions. You won't discover everything during the first few dates, but be assured that they're there. Everything from bills, ex's (the life she had before you) and family, to career, friends and other personal circumstances.
This doesn't mean you should be striving to solve her problems. That's not your responsibility. But you should be aware of where she is in her life, and how you could possibly fit into her long-term plans.
Women Really Do Want Everything
Ouch! That was a sharp blow to the left kidney. Still, this real life fact will become more obvious when you begin to seriously consider a woman as your partner, and not just a sexy fantasy you call when the mood strikes.
Even though women require a lot, we can't categorized their desires as mean-spirited or hypocritical. Most women who have those high expections are typically bringing the same things (or more) to the table.
Obviously, this list could go on forever, but you get the picture.
When you hear a woman say she wants a loving, caring, smart, attentive, sensitive, financially stable, secure, sexy, humorous man who likes to talk, and is gentle, rugged, decisive, open, honest, clean, and goal-oriented--believe her.
Since you now know that relationships take nurturing and hard work, what does it all mean?
If you're not prepared, it can mean you're in serious trouble!
However, it should mean that as a responsible and mature man, you have a number of tasks ahead of you. The good thing is, you already won half the battle if you're considered a one of the good guys. This includes respecting our sistas, respecting yourself, being responsible and accountable for your actions, leading by example, and having a goal-oriented mind that loathes complacency.
The other half of the battle can be tackled by exploring your spirituality, developing a strong sense of character, and reading great, informative articles--like this one!
So again, take inventory of yourself and make sure you're bringing the best brotha to the table. Forget about all of the fluff and stuff you see at the clubs, and all of those hot honey's you see in videos. It's cute, but it's all for show.
A real, live woman has a heart and mind. She has emotions, problems, a career, a life, and real hair that doesn't always do what she wants it to do. That can create a bad day for both of you!
These are real situations and you will eventually have to deal with them. We're being pretty blunt here. But we could not tell you any other way. Sugar-coating this topic won't help you, and would mean that we're not doing our job.
If you haven't packed up and headed for the hills yet, congratulations. You're on your way to wading through the fantasies, and realizing what is real.