If you're trying to establish a long-term, meaningful relationship with a woman, it is imperative that you learn as much as you can about her. This may seem obvious, but men often fail to devote an adequate amount of time to determining a woman's true identity. Ultimately, observation and interaction are the barometers through which we measure character, intellect, and mutual interest. However, you should also be prepared to ask several direct questions to learn more about who she truly is.
There are undoubtedly millions of questions you could ask a woman. For example, “Where did you grow up?”, “Do you feel passionate about your job or career?”, or “What types of movies, music, and other activities do you enjoy?” If you're truly interested in her, these questions come naturally, and typically accompany a first date. However, as you spend more time together, the questions you ask should become more candid and personal. In fact, there is one question in particular you should always ask a woman with whom you wish to build a meaningful relationship. That question is -- "Where are you in your life right now?"
This inquiry is undoubtedly personal and often difficult to answer with precision, but it's the only way you can begin to understand the map of her. Her life's map is what defines her journey — a journey that is fluid and continuous. Her map consists of numerous points; some are well-defined, while others are blurred or open-ended. Each point on her map is derived from a myriad of life's experiences: her family background and upbringing; lifelong friendships and brief encounters; loves gained and loves lost; meaningful events like finishing college or the birth of a child; and a host of other experiences and realities that resulted in joy, pain, lessons learned, or a combination of all three.
Some of the points on her life's map don't matter much, but other areas are extremely important. While many things in her past are no longer relevant to her current self, she -- like all of us -- is a product of her past, and the path she has taken is a result of the choices she's made or failed to make. The important points are those that could influence a long-term relationship and include those experiences that have shaped her moral compass, fashioned her standards, and defined her values.
The composition of her map, and her own understanding of it, are the most important factors you must consider when deciding to pursue a relationship with her. Has she learned from her poor choices? When is she her strongest? Has she confronted and dealt with emotional strife, or does she remain hindered by it? Her map is the key to determining if you become a part of her life or if you depart gracefully and move on to someone else.
In his New York Times Bestseller Destiny: Step into Your Purpose, pastor, author and filmmaker T.D. Jakes says it is important that we connect where we came from to where we are going. "Whether you grew up poor, middle class, or wealthy, your experiences play a role in your life. Whether you had one parent or both parents or were raised in a foster home, how you grew up matters to your life. Whether you were popular in school or you were the wallflower who was awkward and uncomfortable in social situations, you were affected by that. Nothing you have been through will be wasted. Every element of who you are has brought you to where you are and will continue to influence you on your way to destiny," Jakes stated.
This is the composition of her map and each point tells a story. Her map defines the route she has taken and it will help you determine whether she's a woman with purpose, or someone wandering aimlessly with no destination.
When you ask the critical question: “Where are you in your life right now?” the answer you receive should be thoughtful, deliberate, and sincere. Even if you receive an answer like "I'm not really sure where I am in my life right now," don't be too concerned. Most people haven't discovered their true purpose and many don't know their destiny. We often create points on our maps without fully understanding the reasons for them until much later when we step back and take a broader view of our life's journey.
Hopefully, the response you receive is substantive. Crafting her response allows her to peer into her own life's journey with excitement as she chooses to be open and honest about where she's been and where she's going. If you wish to become a part of her life by adding value to it, her answer to this important question will help you determine whether or not she understands her own map and if she is ready to establish a new point with you.